Diary of My Day....

Someone else did this and since I'm all out of things to blog about, I thought I'd try too. Enjoy!

7:00AM: Randomly wake up, even though my alarm doesn't go off for another hour and 15 minutes. No matter what I will always wake up at this time. Fall back asleep.

8:00AM: Randomly wake up again, even though my alarm doesn't go off for another 15 minutes. Turn TV on to the news and lay back in bed.

8:15AM: Alarm goes off. Turn off and get out of bed. Dress/Brush Teeth/Clean Glasses/Throw Lunch in Purse

8:35AM: Leave the house.

8:40AM: Get to subway, wait for train

9:05AM: Arrive at Starbucks near work. Order grande vanilla iced coffee. Head to work.

9:15AM: Get to work

9:45AM: Get mad that nobody else is at work, even though we are supposed to be at work by 9:30.

9:47AM: Realize I've left my bagel in the toaster at work and run to kitchen. Realize that since nobody is at work yet, it's still there untouched and that I haven't pissed off anyone by clogging up the one toaster.

9:50AM: Get pissed at coworkers who show up on a daily basis 20 minutes late. Turn music up loud and ignore them.

9:50AM-7PM: Work, check gmail, read celeb gossip, blogs and attempt to look busy every time my boss walks by

7PM-ish: Leave work and head home. Watch the Anderson Cooper video podcast on the train.

7:45PM: Arrive home. Shower. Turn on TV. Put PJs on and figure out dinner, which usually ends up being a cheese quesadilla. Eat pickles and/or York Peppermint Patty while quesadilla is in the microwave because I'm so hungry I can't wait.

8PM-10PM, watch stuff on Tivo, do freelance Photoshop work,

10PM-12AM put on Anderson Cooper!

12AM- attempt to sleep.

2AM: Realize I have been lying in bed for 2 hours and still am not asleep. Watch an episode of either Gilmore Girls, West Wing or House that I own on DVD.

2:45AM or 3:30AM if I've watched two episodes, turn off TV and finally fall asleep.

3:45AM: wake up realizing that I forgot to turn my Blackberry to silent and my email is beeping. Curse and turn Blackberry to Quiet mode.

3:46AM: Sleep.

That's my day! What's yours?

I like him.....but:

Eharmony boy is nice, he's thoughtful and most importantly he's a good man who believes wholeheartedly in doing the right thing.

HOWEVER, the man is completely incapable of closing ANYTHING. Drawers, cabinet doors, plastic containers, bags....every time he leaves my apartment I have to go in every room closing all the things he opened in the few hours he was there.

It's DRVING. ME. CRAZY!!!

I know if that's my worst complaint, I have it pretty darn good, but I'm tired of eating stale bread because he didn't close the bag!!!!

Neighbors

My neighbors downstairs are constantly banging on the ceiling, purportedly to complain about my noise level. Though occasionally their complaint is warranted (I can think of only twice in 4 years when I felt I was being overly noisy (once being last night)), often they bang on the ceiling when I'm not making ANY noise at all. Often they bang on the ceiling literally within the first five steps I take into apartment upon coming home from work and I'm SURE I'm not making that much noise to warrant complaint, maybe a bit of floor creaking at most. A few weekends ago I was sitting on my couch, with NO music or TV on just working on my computer and they started banging. I definitely wasn't making ANY noise at that point, so I had NO idea what the deal was. I don't want to be a bad neighbor and feel legitimately bad that I was overly loud pretty late last night, but also think they could lighten up a little. I don't know any of my neighbors at all and couldn't pick them out of a line up if pressed, but still I feel bad being a nuisance to others. I guess from now on I'll just have to try harder to keep it down. I've been meaning to get rugs to cover the hardwood floors for some time now, maybe that will cushion the noise a bit and bring peace.

AN. NOYED.

I managed to get everything done on yesterday's list except the cooking of dinner for myself and Eharmony boy. We ate the cookies and bread for dinner instead. LOL. I'll cook up the chicken & broccoli for dinner for myself and tomorrow's lunch instead.

In other news I am PISSED at my bank. About a month ago I went in to the bank to deposit my check from the Gov. and got shanghaied by one of the managers who conned me into spending 40 minutes of my time signing up for the (free) on-line bill pay service. He walked me through it and it seemed pretty convenient, so I started paying all my bills using it.

I got my bills for this month and realized that NONE of the payments from last month through the online bill pay service got paid, even though the money is no longer in my account and I am PISSED. Now I have all these late charges and have to try to hunt down who has my damn money since they bank claims they paid the bills and the companies claim they never got the money! Someone BETTER find this money fast!

Back! and Busy

I'm back from my brief and extremely relaxing time upstate. I took full advantage of my 28 hours out of the city. I sat in the yard and split 2 bottles of wine with my cousin while her husband acted as our sommelier. I got to sit in the sun reading the paper with my coffee and took a lovely walk through the trails around the house in the woods.

Now I'm home and have a rare weekday off. My goals for the day are:

Go to Starbucks and get coffee

Go to the grocery store

Make Peanut Butter Cookies (and separate them to either freeze or take to work so I don’t eat them all)

Make Challah

Cook chicken and broccoli for dinner with Eharmony boy

Clean the bathroom

Take out the trash

Shower, straighten hair, paint nails

Hmm think I can fit a nap in there too somewhere?

3 Day Weekends!

I'm heading upstate to my family's house for some time out of the city. Wish me luck sitting on a train for 2 hours with an extremely painful muscle I pulled in my back last night while attempting to flip my mattresses by myself.

This bed seriously may kill me.


Safe holdiday weekends to all!!!!

Drunken Bed Moving.....

and for once I was the SOBER one.

My friend R graciously offered to come over and help me move my bed last night in time for my 3am trash pick up (yes, they pick up the trash/recycling in my neighborhood at that ungodly hour), but first she had to attend a business dinner. When she got to my place around 11 and was slightly to the left of tipsy. Normally I wouldn't have even attempted furniture moving at such a late hour, but I was desperate and had to take the help when I could get it.

When R arrived I impressed upon her the need to be as quiet as possible, but as you know telling someone who is slightly drunk to keep it down is fruitless. We got the boxspring out into the hallway fine, but apparently she didn't hear me say we were going to use the elevator, so while I let go to push the call button on the elevator, she started sliding the boxspring down the stairs. I attempted to convince her to stop and wait for the elevator, but logic wasn't really sinking in with her at this point, so down the two flights of stairs we went. Halfway down we passed a cute guy from my building, who just shook his head as us and smiled. I am sure we were quite the sight, two girls (one sober, attempting to furtively whisper directions to one drunk one in heels who would respond by yelling) carrying an unwieldy boxspring down the stairs just before midnight....somewhere there's a blog about this I'm sure. Eventually we made it down the stairs and I got her back into her waiting cab.

I'm more than thankful for the help, but it was quite an ordeal. Next time I'm going to hunt down that hottie in my building and ask him for help. Guys like that whole damsel in distress thing...right? :-P

My Faith Has Been Restored....

The right David won Idol!!!!!!!

Hurrah!

Now let's hope the 2 hour season finale of Greys is just as good!!

Idol and Beds

- Can I just say how much I DO NOT want David A to win Idol tonight. I've never been a fan of his sound or personality and though I admit he is the more attractive finalist, I think David C is the more TALENTED contestant. That said, I'm 90% sure David A will win and that I will never watch Idol again, making this my first and last year of watching.

- I have a boxspring in my house that I NEED TO GET OUT. I have a platform bed that doesn't require a boxspring but the platform part needed to be fixed so I had been sleeping on both until I could get to Home Depot for the materials. I'm thrilled its fixed, but I have a boxspring laying against my wall and it's driving me crazy. I can't get it out by myself and there are only 2 days a week I can put it on the curb and I don't know anyone here who can help me. Grrrrr. I want my bedroom back in order!

Happiness.....

Amazingly even though I'm back in the location of Friday's ugliness, I'm feeling better. My co-worker and I seem to have an understanding that we are just going to ignore eachother's existence and it's been oddly liberating.

I spent all weekend searching for answers and any kind of direction I think I want to take my life in and I came up with nothing. I've been trying to think of the things that make me happy, but aside from my dog and the fact that I love my "stuff"/home that I've created for myself I couldn't come up with much. I tried thinking of the things I'm good at, and I came up with nothing on that front either.

I'm in need of a life compass....think Target has them?

Ugh.

After a particularly volatile day at work on Friday, I was prompted to look for jobs once again. I've been sitting in front of my computer for two days now and I've come up with nothing. With basically no quantifiable skills, no clue as to even what genre of work I want to do, what place in the world I want to do it and a pretty low self esteem, I'm feeling lost and stuck and pretty much like a big loser.

I'm going to step away from the computer for the rest of the evening, eat the last piece of the birthday cake Eharmony boy brought me and watch my latest Netflix pick, Juno.

Maybe tomorrow will be a better day....

A Get Back In Bed Day

After two nights of too much drinking and too little sleeping, I was absolutely exhausted this morning when my alarm went off. It was rainy and gross outside and I couldn't even be bothered with real clothes, so I put on my black velour "outfit" (I use that term very loosely) and headed to work. Thankfully I work in a super casual office so wearing PJs to work isn't all that uncommon. In dire need of caffeine, I stopped by Starbucks for coffee and a muffin. I'm a frequent customer at the local Starbucks and I know the drill, order at the register, pick up at the bar. I ordered my grande vanilla iced coffee and my berry crisp muffin and paid for it...and then LEFT. WITHOUT PICKING UP MY COFFEE! I got halfway down the block with only my muffin in my hand before I realized I had left my coffee on the bar. I was afraid to go back because if I just walked in from the street and took my drink off the bar, they would think I was just some random street person stealing coffee (and of course I didn't get a receipt). In my desperation, that is exactly what I did....I went back in and took my drink off the counter and ran.

I really need to start my mornings with a pre-leaving the house cup of coffee....I really just should not be let out of the house pre-caffeinated. Someone could get hurt.

Debt FREE...yes...again.

I know we went through this before, but after that I went a little crazy and bought a gorgeous new bedroom set and put myself in debt yet a second time, but once again....

I AM DEBT FREE!!!

I'm planning on being wise this time and actually SAVING money before spending it, so I plan on saving up for my trip to Morocco in October. With 5 months until then I'm confident I can save up most of what I need and I won't go into debt again after. YIPPEE for being fiscally responsible!

He used The Word.....

In conversation the other day Eharmony boy referred to me as his girlfriend.

I very nearly passed out. In my life that's not a word that gets used. I've never had anyone use that word to describe me and it threw me for a loop. It's not a word I'm very comfortable with and even though I know he meant it more in the "girl I'm currently seeing" way and that he is no way pressuring me, it weirded me out to hear myself described that way. We've talked about where we are at, and he knows I'm a total commitment phobe and he has never asked anything more of me than I was comfortable with, but hearing that term just.....really threw me off.

Eharmony boy is a dream boyfriend...he says all the right things, does the right things, he's courteous and in general just a good man. I just don't know how I feel about him.....something just seems to be missing, but I can't pinpoint it. Is it chemistry that's missing or is it that he's so easy to be with that the drama and anxiety are missing and that's why it feels odd? I suppose this is why you date and as long as everyone is on the same page, which we are, it's ok to have these feelings, but I have to say the terminology (though I do admit has been something I have longed to hear at least once in my life) is FREAKING ME OUT!

Birthday Week ROCKS!!!!

My birthday has been fabulous thus far! I got SO many lovely birthday wishes through here, email and Facebook that made me feel very loved! My presents from my family got delayed in the mail and I'm not celebrating with Eharmony boy until Friday, so I was a little worried I wouldn't have anything on my actual birthday, but everyone's thoughts and comments made me feel great, as did the gorgeous orchids I got from my friend Beth and the $600 check from the government that randomly also came in the mail today!

Tonight I'm having soft pretzles for dinner, along with my YUMMY cupcake from Subtle Tea
and my bottle of champagne for dessert! Talk about a perfect meal!!

Thanks again for all the birthday wishes. I love you guys!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

To me!!!!!!!!!!

It's Birthday Week!

Sadly I don't have much planned for birthday week....tomorrow is my actual birthday, but aside from plans to buy myself a cupcake and a bottle of champagne...I have no celebrations planned. Wednesday night I have to go to a big concert for work and Friday Eharmony boy is coming over. Not a wild week really, but a good way to ring in the big 2-9!

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mothers Day to Moms and Pet Moms Everywhere!


Here's hoping Amazon.com didn't lose your mother's day presents for your moms like it did for mine!

What do you do?

I have always envied those people who went to college for something with a purpose. I'll be 29 in five days and I'm still trying to figure out what I want to be when I "grow up".

I think back to those final years in high school when all of a sudden you were expected to decide what you wanted your job to be for the foreseeable future. After 17 years of childhood, in a flash you were supposed to make this huge grown-up decisions. I had never held a job or interned anywhere, I had no idea of the spectrum of careers that were even options to me and here I was filling out forms asking me to declare a major. With no other ideas or experience, I chose theatre lighting design. I had worked on some community theatre productions and figured it was as good a major as any. I couldn't have been more wrong.

Don't get me wrong, the University of Illinois theatre program is difficult. The classwork and practical experience combined hours are intense and our projects were actual, realized performances. As I used to like to say, "People pay for tickets to see our HOMEWORK". Not many other majors can say that. The coursework is intense, but the education is very specific. If you don't end up wanting to be a theatre lighting designer, there is very little else you can do with that degree. Late in my last year of school, I realized that I did not in fact want to be a theatre lighting designer and I felt lost. I had no skills to do anything else, no energy to start over and very little guidance. I fell into a deep depression and though I had a perfect academic standing, I dropped out of school.

I was fortunate to get an interim position doing event planning at the University after I dropped out. I enjoyed my two years in the position and it was the first time I truly felt good at what I was doing. The balance of creative aspects and analytical skills appealed to me and I found the transition from being a student to employee effortless. I got myself in a better mental place and eventually finished my degree in summer school. At the end of my two years though my position was up and there was no longer a place for me. At the time I was also suffering through some difficult times in my person life and in the end was forced to make some choices that I will regret for the rest of my life. I was once again at a very low point in my life and I felt like I had no opportunities. I tried to find other event planning work, but my resume wasn't yielding any results. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life or even where I wanted to live. After months with no work, and several failed attempts at following through with plans. I packed my things and moved to NY. I say "moved" but I think what I really did was escape. The physical place and mental state I was in was toxic and I needed out. After a rough year I found a job in entertainment law and for the past 4 years I've been ok. I don't love my job, I don't loathe it. The pay is decent, but not exceptional. The hours are long, but the actual work is pretty easy and doesn't require much thinking. I'm stuck in the mediocre. I want to do something else, but I find myself at the same impasse I was in at 17. What do I want to do and where do I want to do it? Aside from a new zip code, 12 years hasn't gained me much. I know I don't want to stay in legal work, I've been applying to event planning jobs, but haven't gotten even a callback, and truth be told I don't know if I want to go back to that work because it's my passion or because I want to go back to the life I knew before I altered my conscious. I have been seriously considering photo editing, but I lack the skills for even an entry level position and have so far been able to find information or guidance on the education or background I need to break into the industry.

I feel myself slipping into bad thought patterns. I feel that sense of being lost creeping up on me and I feel powerless against it. My job history is too jagged, my skill set too narrow. I don't want to go through life wandering endlessly and would like to have a job I felt proud of and passionate about, but lack the ability to achieve it.

I am afraid I will never have an answer to life's most frequent small-talk question: "What do you do?"

The Worst Feeling

Yesterday I had to do some research for work that meant going into my rarely-accessed file cabinets that are in a remote corner of my office, separated by the desks by a 1/2 wall. I was sitting on the floor reading my files and I guess my coworkers I share a space with hadn't noticed me go back there and the they started talking about me and saying terrible things. Once I realized what was happening, I stood up and just closed the drawers and carried on with my work. I have an odd relationship with my coworkers, sometimes we are super friendly and hanging out outside of work and other times it's very strained. Now, though, after hearing people talk about you in a certain way it's hard to go back to being friendly and it's taking everything I have to even be professional.

Practically I know that everyone talks about everyone and I'm sure I've done the same, but it doesn't change the fact that it sucks to hear people talk about you and the whole thing has me majorly bummed out.

Sigh.

Where I Get My Thoughts on Current Events Out

I don't usually blog about celebrities, politics or current events, but there's some stuff I just have to get out!

Tom Cruise: Can we please give this guy (and his family) a break! Yes he has said some DUMB things in the past year, but he did apologize for them (both on Oprah and directly to the people involved). Not to mention I feel its terribly hurtful to speculate that someone's marriage and even child aren't real. I do admit that people in Hollywood get married for publicity reasons, but at any rate I feel it's disrespectful to speculate on ANYONE'S marriage. In the case of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes I feel terrible that people say things about their relationship and especially the things that have been said about their child!

The Election: Yes, like many, I am suffering from election fatigue, but to those pundits calling for Hilary's resignation because "people are tired of the election", this REALLY rubs me the wrong way. Calling for the removal of a candidate for the sole purpose of "just ending it already" infuriates me. The theory is that democrats are tired of the democratic race, so they are jumping ship and supporting McCain. I find this theory ridiculous. Switching party support isn't going to shorten this race any. Not to mention I am all for letting voters get to choose who they want to vote for. By taking candidates out of the race, you are removing their choices. I, for one, would like to cast a vote for a person I believed in, no matter if they had a shot at winning or not, at least I have the peace of mind that I got to vote for the person I believed in.

The Michigan/Florida votes: I get that the DNC wanted to punish these states for moving their races, but again, it infuriates me that the punishment was not counting the votes of the voters! How can this be constitutional? (and yes, for you cynics I would be saying this whether or not it was Clinton OR Obama who needed the votes...my upset isn't about who needs the votes, it's about the principle).

Ok now back to blogging about my weekend...which was full of excitement...bought a new wireless printer and a new hard drive so I spent the weekend printing random things (just because I could) and backing up my computer. Yes, goodtimes were had by all.

Wow.

A HUGE thank you to the guy walking behind me on Madison Avenue tonight who saw me drop $40 and who ran to catch up to me so he could return it. Thanks for making me feel better about humanity today.

I promise to pay the favor forward some day.

Healing

Slowly, but surely, I am healing. Throwing myself into my new website and photography has definitely helped keep my focus on myself and away from my the sadness I feel over my ended relationship. No matter how busy I keep myself though, I just can't shake the feeling that I lost my best friend. That loss is going to take a bit longer to get over I suppose.

Until then I'll just keep playing with Photoshop.