Fight or Flight

My conversation with Tennis Guy on Monday did not go well. He said he felt like I wanted to go faster in our relationship than he did, and that he was resisting because he had "concerns". I asked what his concerns were and he listed them. After he was done, I made a comment that "it's really hard to hear the things that someone doesn't like about you". This made him FLIP out. He said that he never said he didn't like me, just that he had concerns about getting serious with me and that it's "really annoying to be in a relationship where every comment made is construed as me breaking up with you". I NEVER said I thought he was ending things, but I apologized for making the leap from him having concerns to thinking he didn't like me. The conversation just kept getting worse and I eventually asked him if he still wanted me to go visit him next week. He said he wasn't sure anymore, but a few seconds later said that he wanted to see me, but he "wasn't sure it was a good idea". I told him that I understood but that I would need to know by early next week so I could change my plans. He said he was too upset to continue talking on Monday, but he would talk to me in a few days. Last night I got a text message from him saying he was still thinking things through and he would call me tonight.

I've been through a huge range of emotions in the past 36 hours. The things he listed as concerns about me were unfair and in some cases unfounded. His concerns were: 1) I'm not as social and don't go out as much as he would like. First of all it's a long distance relationship and we've only been in the same city two weekends. Weekend 1 we DID go out and Weekend 2 we didn't, but he wasn't exactly complaining when we spent the whole weekend um....reconnecting. 2) He doesn't understand my relationship with my parents. It's true I don't have the best relationship with my parents, but he's basing this specifically on the post-Thanksgiving complaining I did this weekend. 95% of America complains about spending time with their family after the holidays. Plus, his family lives in ANOTHER COUNTRY. Of course it's easier to get along with your parents when they aren't even on the same continent. 3) I don't like my job and don't seem happy. Yes, it's true work has been more stressful, and I have been venting quite a bit to him about it, so this one I can see where he is coming from, though in my defense I've also been talking through my job/potential moving ideas with him so he should at least give me credit for taking steps toward changing my situation. He has a job and a family that fulfill him and make him happy. I have a job that allows me to do the OTHER things in life that make me happy, like traveling and taking photos. It's not that I'm a generally unhappy person, it's just that the things that make me happy aren't the same things that make him happy.

A part of me feels unfairly attacked and a part of me can see where he is coming from. I don't understand why it's taking him 2 days to decide if he wants to continue to date me. It's not like I asked him for any kind of commitment, all he needs to think about is if he wants to go on another date with me. I absolutely want to continue dating him and seeing where this might be going and to be sitting here for days now waiting for him to think about whether he wants to still be with me is nerve racking. I've gotten some clarity through it all though. I do think he's right about going slow if he does say he wants to keep seeing me I am absolutely comfortable now with taking our time and getting to know each other. Also I feel like I've been extremely understanding with his traveling and being in a relationship where the other person isn't around a lot. I am someone who needs my own space and time to myself and I've NEVER complained or used his work against him. That quality is not easy to find in a woman and he should feel LUCKY to find someone understanding. Obviously in the last few days I've been doing a lot of thinking, but I haven't been obsessing or "going to the crazy" and I'm proud of myself for that. I have no idea how tonight's conversation will go and what he is going to say but I feel like I'm mentally prepared for the conversation and am in a good place. Let's just hope I stay there.