Ready for Spring

I am MORE than ready for Spring, and even though the weather isn't cooperating, the stores sure are. There are spring styles and colors in every window and I was inspired to do some Spring shopping.

I'm trying out a few new styles for me so I ordered this:



and I'm trying out this:




Spring here I come!

Slowly but Surely

I'm slowly adjusting to my meds (I think), but still having MAJOR sickness in the morning for some reason. I see my Dr. this week again and I'm hoping she'll have some suggestions or else I'm probably going to give up on taking them.

Also, I am FINALLY starting to meal plan again! My freezer is stuffed with the spinach &artichoke lasagna I made recently, so the theme of this week's meal planning is "freezer clean out".

Sunday night/Monday lunch: Lemon & Honey Chicken with Rice
Monday night/Tues lunch:Fried rice with leftover rice & misc. freezer veggies
Tuesday night: Mini bagels I found in the back of the freezer that I'm turning into pizza bagels
Wednesday lunch: Order in
Wednesday night: Parmesean Cous Cous w/ soy link sausages
Thursday lunch: leftover Parmesean Cous Cous
Thurs night:  Frozen lasagna after Dr. appt.
Friday lunch: lean cuisine I have stashed in freezer at work.
Friday night: Turkey Burger

The best part is this is all stuff I already have, so my grocery bill for the week is $0.00!

I'm a lucky girl

My extremely generous parents offered to fund my 30th birthday trip in May, anywhere in the world I want. After MUCH consideration, I will be heading to St. Maartan!!!!!!!!

I am SO excited!

Nothing to See Here

MAJOR medicine induced nausea ensues.

It's supposed to go away in 1-2 weeks. I'm on Day 8.

Still Raining...well actually Snowing

It's SNOWING today in NY. Happy First Day of Spring.

Not only have the side effects of my new meds kicked in taking the form of MAJOR NAUSEA, I have also come down with a cold. Ugh.


If you need me this weekend, I'll be in bed under the covers battling sickness and continuing my 80s movie marathon. I've already knocked off Say Anything, next up is Moonstruck and Top Gun.

Bullets of When it Rains It Pours

 - I decided to fill the prescription. When I went to pick it up at the pharmacy my bill was $90! Apparently I had a deductible I hadn't hit this year so I had to pay the full amount. OUCH. Then I find out it's not a fully covered prescription or something so it will be $50 a month. I may need to re-think this whole "getting help" thing. Between the $40 office visit copay and the meds, I need to come up with an extra $210 a month that I'm not sure I can find.

- Also nobody told me I can't drink at all or take ANY other meds with this and of course I had drinking plans AND feel like I'm coming down with a cold. If the pharmacy I go to wasn't so absolutely horrendous I would ask them if there was any cold remedy alternatives, but last time I was there they yelled at me for filling out my forms too slow and threw a pen at me, so I don't think I'll be asking them for assistance.

- My work situation is going to GREATLY CHANGE over the next few months to a year and it's freaking me out. They are looking to fire one of the assistants and the other one just got pregnant so it looks like I'll have to go back to doing 100% asst work with zero help. I was JUST getting away from all that and turning towards doing more photo retouching for work and was finally feeling like my work situation was in a good place and now it's sliding back. I'm majorly bummed out.

- My sis got a good job post her graduation in May which is GREAT and my parents are helping her buy a house, and also giving her money for her wedding next year and I'm feeling major sibling rivalry. I'm glad that she found something she loves in this economy and is getting a really good start on post-college life, but I can't help but feel jealous. Just because I never got married I am less worthy of having my financial life be a little easier??! I fully acknowledge it's a spoiled notion, but the feelings are there nonetheless.

I think I may need to try to schedule a day off soon. I could use a "spring break" of sorts.

To be or not to be

Last night's appointment was....interesting. The issue of meds came up and though my doc didn't in any way force them on me, she definitely suggested it was something I try.  I suppressed my urge to cry, but just barely. I feel like a failure because I can't fix myself. I feel embarrassed. I feel like people will judge me. Mostly though, I feel scared I may change.

It seems stupid because the whole point of therapy is to change the aspects of your life that you are unhappy with. She explained that I have a hyper awareness and are overly in tuned to details and people (like House!) which causes my brain to get overwhelmed around other people because my brain is in overdrive trying to process everything, therefore causing the anxiety. It makes sense to me, but my awareness of people and the world is such a huge part of my personality and self that I worry about losing it. I worry that I can't be myself and not have anxiety.

 Probably not exactly what Shakespeare had in mind.

CCW had it right

In my comments the other day, CCW left this advice about going to my therapy appointment:  "Get Dressed. Go. Don't Lie"

It sounds easy enough, but it was harder than I thought to get some of the hard truths out in words, but I did it.

The appointment was mostly me telling her the things I would like to work on, her saying "give me an example" and me telling anecdotes, but I get a good vibe from her so I think I'll stick it out for awhile. I have to go back on Monday so we'll see what happens with #2. For now, I'm just proud I made is through #1.

Nerves. Oh the Irony.

Tomorrow night is my first therapy appointment. I'm a basket full of nerves. What to expect? What to say? What will SHE say?

I know I should do this and I have to fight the "flight" desires, but it's going to be very hard to get on that train after work and make this appointment. All good thoughts you could send my way at 8pm tomorrow night would be greatly appreciated.

SLEEP!

My sleeping patterns lately have been F*CKED up! Two nights ago I took sleeping pills to try to force myself to acclimate. For whatever reason they took four hours to kick in, which left me with 4 hours of sleep.

Last night I was exhausted so I dropped into bed around 9:30. I slept until 11 and then was up the rest of the night!
5.5 hours of sleep in 2 days is NOT enough.

Here's hoping I can find some sleep after watching my boy Danny Gokey on American Idol. I have a HUGE crush on him and hope he's around till the end.

Bullets

- Got to see my lawyer that I flirt with this morning. I feel like a giddy school girl. LOL I wish it wasn't a conflict of interest for us to date....I definitely like him and get the vibe he likes me, but will never cross the line. Oh well, flirt friends are nice.

- Went through my home office files last night to purge what I needed. OMG was I hanging onto paper that from a DECADE ago. Now of course, comes the process of shredding it all. Ugh.

- I joined Zip Cars today. It's this car sharing program that's like renting a car, but you can do it by the hour. The garage is less than a block from my apartment so now I can have a car to use practically whenever I want! I'm very excited about being able to run errands/go to the beach this summer, etc. I think I am going to love it.

- Going to attempt to start cooking again this weekend. I'm going to try making lasagna in my crockpot. Hopefully this will get me started back on track with my meal planning. I'm excited about it again now that I know I can get to a REAL grocery store (not the NYC neighborhood mini-stores) more often with the zip car. I may even be able to shop at my beloved Trader Joes more. I LOVE that store.

- I just realized that my drivers license expires on my birthday this year. I can renew online, but I have to get an eye exam and proof to submit. Happy flipping birthday (in May) to me. What to remind me that I'm OLD now NY DMV. Ugh.

The Purging

The home office re-do is coming along. I got some great desk accessories from the Container Store using Oprah's 20% off coupon and I have begun the purging process for when my backordered desk finally arrives next month. Tonight I went through my misc cables box and my computer disks box and got rid of at least 50% (finally getting rid of those "hmm what is this for...guess I'll keep it" cables and computer disks I no longer have drives in my computer for (zip and floppy)). On the agenda for the rest of the week is dealing with paper. I need to find Suze Orman's list of how long you have to keep financial records and then watch out. I am going to be a SHREDDING machine!

Messages

Although I do admit enjoying celebrity news and gossip at times, I have always fully acknowledged that we don't even get a fraction of the whole story and think people are quick to judge their lives based on a few attention grabbing headlines. But when I read this weekend that Rihanna had reconciled this weekend with Chris Brown after their (alleged) argument that turned physical, my heart sank.

Though I am sure we don't know the whole story, unfortunately thousands of young girls who do follow the singers and the celebrity gossip just received the message that it's ok to have a relationship with someone who hits you.

We don't teach our girls to value themselves above others. I know that I myself struggle with this daily. I've stayed longer than I should, put up with more than I should, not stood up and said enough when I should.

I know the problem is bigger than celebrity news, and why we idolize (and idealize) it, but that doesn't change the fact that young girls and women in the 21st century have seen yet another example that it's ok to allow someone else to devalue you.

When will we learn to stop accepting the unacceptable?