You Can't Have It All

As far as 2010 goals go, I feel 100% on track with being more active and healthier. The therapy/meds are working and I'm finally at a manageable place with anxiety. I'm in a relationship and overall having a much happier years.

Except that my January spending has been OUT.OF.CONTROL. In the past month I bought:

A wii - $199.00
Wii Active - $59.99
Wii Fit - $99.99
2 other Wii games $60
a new purse $178.00
5 shirts at Victorias Secret $140.00
4 new pairs of shoes $200.00
New PJs $90.00
2 movies $35.00

Um WHAT WAS I THINKING???I spent over a THOUSAND DOLLARS in 28 days! Granted half of that was on the Wii, which I have used every single day for working out, but the other "stuff" was just spontaneous purchases out of boredom at work or just to feel "good" about myself.

I feel so good I've made some great changes to my life recently, but then feel SO BAD about the spending. I am renewing my goal as of February 1 and have been working on creating a reasonable budget for myself. I feel like I have SO many aspects of my life together now..why is this last one such a sticking point for me???

Wii.....as Revenge

Some time ago I dated Tennis Guy, who was affiliated with a major international tennis player. Recently, I bought the Grand Slam Tennis game for my Wii and he happens to be one of the characters in the game.

I have to say every time I win a point against that particular player in the game, I giggle just a little and feel an odd sense of revenge.

It's kind of empowering.

Weigh-in #2 - 158.2 (-.8)

I love seeing those scale numbers go down! I haven't (yet) made any changes to my diet or eating habits, this is ALL due to my commitment to my Wii. I do about 20 minutes a day (with a longer 40-50 min session on the weekends) and change it up often with doing my Wii active and other sports games.

 

I think this is the longest I've kept up with an "active" plan and I definitely look forward to going home and Wii-ing. I was never a gym person and just never found an at-home DVD that kept my interest for long enough. I am so happy to have found my exercise "niche" finally.  

 

I just hooked my Wii to the internet so I can play against my friends who also have Wii's so if you have a Wii and want to connect, let me know!

Hey Laaaaadies

I broke my beloved flat iron and need to replace it, but the choices out there are daunting.

Anyone out there have one they love and can recommend?

For Better...or maybe Worse?

So I finally broke down last night and called the Boy....and he had been home for HOURS! He came down with a nasty cold while he was away, so he wasn't feeling great, but I still feel like he could have texted me that he got home safe! Our conversation was fine....normal, friendly, flirty, but I'm torn between wondering if I should be getting the hint that he's "just not that into me" or wonder if after 2 months of dating we've entered a more comfortable phase where it's understood that we care about eachother and that he's coming home to me so the constant contact isn't as vital......

I HATE this feeling and wonder what happened to my nice, easy relationship.

He did say he fell on his head while skiing....

Apparently 11 months of therapy isn't quite enough

My Boy went away on a trip and I haven't heard from him in 3 days.

Leading up to this trip, things were amazing. We SO were that annoying couple you see in restaurants feeding eachother, holding hands and ignoring the world around them. He even apologized for not being able to take me on the trip with him (it was a ski trip he'd had planned with a bunch of friends for months). We texted the day he left, I wished him a safe trip and off he went.

Then....crickets.

A NORMAL girl would have hung out with friends, caught up on email, maybe did some shopping and NOT OBSESSED that she had been dumped. I, sadly have convinced myself he is breaking up with me and have moped around my house now for 2 days. I wish I could stop this crazy thinking and be rational. My therapist is always encouraging me to think in facts not fantasy.

Facts:

- I am an excellent catch and it would be his loss if he chooses to end things.

- While 3 days with no contact is unusual, it does NOT necessarily mean he is done with me. Yes, 98% of men break up with women by simply choosing to ignore them, but that does not mean he is doing this and his personality/behavior in the past has indicated that he is not the kind of person that would do that.

If I was a normal, healthy person I would realize that he's out enjoying himself and has every intention of seeing me when he gets back, just as he said. But instead I worry, obsess and grieve for a loss that hasn't even happened.

I'm definitely going to get my money's worth out of therapy this week. Sigh.

My first weigh-in - 159.0

I've been doing my Wii Active now for 2 weeks. I still enjoy the workouts and think it is definitely something I will continue. I am down 3 pounds, but not back to my pre-holiday weight quite yet. My goal is to get down to the 135-140 range.

Go Wii!

Big Girl Decisions

As my long term readers know (do I even HAVE any long term readers??) I am 100% doctor phobic. I do not go to the doctor. EVER. 9 months ago, I started seeing a therapist for my anxiety issues and now that some of those have reached a manageable stage, I am trying to branch out. (Men - this is where I warn you this is going to take a girl turn and to click away. No really. CLICK AWAY)

Now that I am in a (hopefully) long-term relationship, I know the importance of a girly-bit check up and some pills that prevent any surprise babies. So I have taken a MAJOR plunge and made a gyno appt. It's not until February, so I have a month to chicken out, but I'm hoping I can stick to my guns and make this major step towards conquering a major fear. I can't believe I have gotten to this point, and also can't believe it's taken 9 months of therapy and drugs to get here, but here I am.

Could it be?

I'm still slightly afraid to hope, but things with the Boy are going amazingly well. The thing that surprises me most is how EASY it is! I don't question his feelings, there is no drama, it's just....nice and fun!

Fingers crossed, but I have a feeling this one may be around for awhile!

Day 5

2010, so far so good. I've been eating healthy and getting my butt absolutely KICKED by Wii active every day. Also I got Just Dance for the Wii and boy does that get your heart rate up!

My month-long vaca from work will be over on Monday, so this week I'll be cooking, heading to Jersey to visit a friend and her baby and having a date with my Boy! Then it's back to the grind!

Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

I bought a Wii. I have really enjoyed playing the one my parents have so I decided to use my Christmas cash and get myself one. I am hoping it motivates me to move my butt a little more in 2010. The store didn't have the wii active set, so I still have to get that, but day 1 of playing Tennis and Boxing for an hour seemed to get my heart rate up a bit, so I have high hopes!

Any other Wii lovers out there??

The Random Catch Up

Holiday was good. Got some clothes, coffee, movies....the usual fare. This trip home has been a little long though....I think I need to limit myself to a week in the future I think. 3 more days to go....wish me luck.

Things with Boy have been very good! He calls or texts every day I'm away and is definitely still interested in hanging out when I return! I have a good feeling about this one!

I'm thinking of buying myself a wii with my holiday money. I've been using my parents and I think it may be a workout plan I can stick to. I've heard good things about Wii active....any wii active players out there who have had success?

My computer died right before xmas and I got a new laptop with a nice big screen. Unfortunately I can NOT find a case that it fits in! I'm heading out today to try again, but I may have to just order it online.

I think those are the highlights....hope everyone had a great holiday!

Something Came Up

My least favorite 3 words in the English language. Boy canceled on me due to an unexpected family thing. I'm bummed, but more than that I'm insecure. I doubt its truth even though he's not once given me a reason to. I doubt I'll see him again, even though he has said he wants to. The only thing I have faith in is my history of the 2 date curse that I can never seem to get past.

I'm trying to be thankful for the fun we've had and not want more, but all I can think about is how miserable the next few weeks will be while I am away...waiting for the moment of truth...will we hang out again or will I never hear a word from him again?

This sucks.

All I want for Christmas is some Hope

I met a boy. A boy who is fun, 100% drama free. Who is a good man.

And did I mention he is HOT and happens to like me too?

We've been on dates 1 (drinks) and 2 (skating at Rockefeller Plaza....which was incredibly romantic) and #3 is planned for this Saturday (I'm cooking him dinner), but I find myself afraid to hope he'll be the one to make it past date #4. I want SO badly for him to break through my pattern lately of not making it past date #3. I'm afraid to hope, but I want to.

Fingers crossed!!

SMALL world

So I ended up bailing on my eharmony date this weekend. A Photoshop online class came up at the last minute that I didn't want to miss, so I canceled on him. Later on in the weekend I was hanging with my friend T and ended up telling him about my date. He asks me a few questions about the guy and then starts CRACKING UP. I ask him what is up and he says that my potential date is someone he knows and who had cheated on his most recent gf.

Thank you dating gods for getting me out of this one before it even started!!

Cadavers & Dates

Have yet another Eharmony date this weekend. This guy is in med school. We chatted briefly on the phone, which was 10 minutes lecturing me on getting a flu shot and 20 minutes on the purpose of cadavers for med students. Didn't ask me ANYTHING about myself....I barely spoke at all. I'll still give this one a shot (mostly because I had already agreed to have coffee with me Saturday afternoon) but let's not keep our fingers crossed for this one.

Next. 

I thought it was 3 strikes and you are out?

So Eharmony boy bailed.....went to that place men go when they are too afraid to say "I'm just not that into you". I've been on a bad streak lately. 2 dates and the guy bails. 2 dates and the guy bails. Repeat repeat repeat. It is taking its toll on my self esteem. I know you are supposed to feel confident and be happy with yourself and that's the healthiest head space to fall in love in, but in 30 years my longest relationship was 4 months. I've never had anyone tell me they loved me. I've never been in requited love.

How am I supposed to feel lovable when nobody has ever wanted to love me?

Barcelona

There are so many things I want to remember about this trip. The beauty of the city. The cafe where I ordered a capuccino and a croissant de chocolate every morning, not only because it was good, but because it was the easiest to pronounce. The sex toy shop next to my hotel. Attempting to find the Spanish arc de triumph, but getting lost. Reading Angel’s Game (a book set in Barcelona) while sitting on the hotel roof deck overlooking the city. My mani/pedi at the Hotel Arts. The weird cheese ravioli topped with almonds I had. Being surrounded by a foreign language. Enjoying good Spanish wine.

I had an amazing experience and absolutely can not wait to go back.

Click here for a slideshow of some of the photos from my trip. Let me know what you think!

I saw the signs

I think Eharmony Boy #2 is vanishing. Texting in the airport before my trip he was fine super sweet as usual. Days 1 and 2 the emails were fine and signed with our usual semi-mushy salutation. After that, short answers, then suddenly busy when I asked him to hang out today....It could mean nothing. I could be paranoid, but I've been down this road before and I know these signs. If he is vanishing, I wish I knew why, or even if he really was for sure.  I just have that "feeling" and it's making me sad. There was a glimmer of hope with this one and I'm so tired of male dissapointment. I'm tired of never needing a fourth date outfit because I never get past 3 (or in this case 2!).

I lost 10 pounds, I went on a fabulous vacation and I still can't get the guy. Sigh.

I'm back!

I am back from Barcelona. Seriously, if I could have transported my bed and books there, I would have never left! Photos and tales forthcoming!

**Parents seem to be on the mend from their H1N1...we are just keeping an eye on my Dad, as his asthma complicates the illness a bit. Thanks for all your good vibes!!!!!!