Wednesday, November 30, 2005

I've been thinking a lot about compatibility lately. What makes people fall in love, what makes them be friends, even what makes them remain strangers. There are people I know peripherally, but who just never cross over into the "friend" zone. What keeps the distance. How did those friends of mine know after three months they were compatible for life? How come I didn't know that Tae-Jin and I weren't?

I think about my closest friends and most significant relationships and what brought us together. Circumstance plays a large part of it I think. My closest friends are those from high school and college. Brought together initially by location, we are now spread out across the globe. Circumstance is what brought us together, but it obviously isn't what sustains us.

There are some people you meet and instantaneously you click. They bring out the part of yourself that hides under the cloud of sadness and loneliness that you normally are under. You meet someone and suddenly you are smiling all the time, your intelligence and wit comes out and you start to feel like the person who always knew you wanted to be. I wish I had more control over that part of myself, but I have to accept that despite my solitude, I truly am a people-driven person.

What is it that draws people together? What is the "chemistry" people talk about in love and attraction? I've never fallen in love with someone because we liked the same book or enjoyed the same movie, but what is it that makes two people compatible.

What is love?

Sunday, November 20, 2005

The Unfairness of Love

I met a couple today who had gotten married after only knowing each other three months. It's a life I can't imagine. A love I can't imagine. It's a scary thought, thinking that I could meet someone tomorrow and be married by February. It's an amazing thing to me, to "know" so completely that you found love. Not only to know, but to leap in and embrace it fully as well.

I think I needed to be reminded that there is beauty in love. It's easy to remember being drained by it, being crushed by it, losing yourself in the pain. I don't always make the effort to think of the hapiness of having someone who cares unconditionally, someone to take care of, someone to take care of me. The feeling that washes over you when you heare someone say "I love you" to you for the first time. The feeling you have when you realize you can say it in return. I need to remember that it's ok if love changes everything. I need to not fear it anymore.