Wednesday, May 31, 2006
My parents are considering moving......to Tennessee. I have such mixed emotions about them moving. I knew at some point they would want to move out of the huge house they live in now and get something smaller, but I guess I hoped they would stay in the same area. I don't know why it matters to me so much, we moved around so much when I was young, nowhere ever really felt like home, but they have been in this house 10 years now. I only lived there for 2 and then moved out. I guess part of it is I feel like I'll never see them. TN isn't really a place I feel excited about visiting. I'm pretty much an indoors girl and where they want to go is pretty rural. My dad is excited about camping and fishing and hiking through retirement and who knows what my mom will do out there. I wish I could get a handle on why I'm so upset about their impending move, but it feels strange. I guess it's just my usual inability to handle change.
Rescue Me is filming YET AGAIN in my neighborhood. It was cool the first five times or so, but now it's getting old. I'll have to tape the show one day and see if you can see my neighborhood. It must be a common shot, they are out here all the freaking time. Isn't that show about fires? How many times can the same building burn?
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Monday, May 29, 2006
Now I'm back at home with the day off. I LOVE random weekdays off. I can stay in my pjs all day, watch bad talk shows and eat whatever I want. What a great weekend.
Thursday, May 25, 2006
I've been wondering lately how people come across my site (or if anyone besides me even reads it). I know I could get one of those creepy stat counter things, but it's bad enough the government is tracking our phone calls and the FBI is rading congressional offices, I don't want to invade the privacy of my potenial reader(s) by stalking their internet usage. Feel free to leave me comments if you do read! I'm tough, I can handle the good, the bad and the ugly.
I'm supposed to leave for Chicago tomorrow....Normally by Thursday I'm counting down the hours, but this time I'm not. Maybe things will be better once I get there. Thankfully I'm coming back on Sunday afternoon and have Monday off from work, so at least I have part of my weekend just to veg at home. Chicago boy is still MIA....sigh. Someone pass me an Apple Martini.
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
The boy I have been flying to Chicago to see is suddenly MIA. He's been vauge about plans, emails aren't returned, messages go unanswered. I'm not stupid, I get the hint. I rarely find someone who I can see myself being with long term, but with him I felt it and I'm sad I never got to find out what could have been. Sigh. I'm supposed to fly out again in two days and now I have no plans for the weekend at all. Anyone in the Chicago area want to hang out?
How DO you get these damn paper bracelet things off?
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
1. I love dark chocolate covered strawberries.
2. I am an extremely picky eater, there are very few things I will eat.
3. I bought my first purse at the age of 26.
4. I broke a rib once falling off a chair I was standing on trying to get a book off a bookshelf in my parents' library.
5. I can't live without post-it flags.
6. I never wear make-up, but my toenails are always painted red.
7. I hate flying during daylight and try only to fly late at night.
8. I went to two different high schools and will never forgive my dad for moving me during those years.
9. I am a white girl who thinks Asian men are HOT.
10. I have never in my 27 years had anyone ever call me their girlfriend.
11. I don't understand the "high" people say they get when they work out. Working out doesn't make me "high" it makes me hungry.
12. It bums me out when people don't notice when I get new glasses.
13. I get new glasses at least twice a year.
14. Taking photographs is the only thing I've ever felt good at.
15. I love the Food Network, even though I can't cook anything.
16. I've seriously considered hiring someone to cook dinner for me so I don't have to eat out 7 days a week.
17. I have a huge crush on Anderson Cooper.
18. I make a huge deal out of my birthday and like it when other people do too.
19. I went through my college graduation ceremony, even though I didn't technically graduate until two years later.
20. I've had the same bathing suit since I was 16...and I've only worn it a handful of times.
21. I like swimming but hate having to be that naked in public.
22. I have a 401k, but have no idea what it is or how to get my money.
23. I am deathly afraid of needles.
24. Massages make me tense and I hate both giving and getting them
25. Sometimes I eat pizza 4 days a week.
26. I've never called in sick because I was actually sick.
27. I can't live without caller ID
28. I refuse to buy anything from amazon.com because I think their "prime" program is elitist. I shouldn't have to be in a special club to get my stuff on time.
29. I can't stand people who use "street talk".
30. But I use the phrase "true that" way too often.
31. Doctors scare me and I almost never go voluntarily.
32. I don't handle disappointment well.
33. I can function perfectly on no sleep for several days.
34. I eat ice cream with a fork
35. I've never played air hockey
36. My grandfather taught me how to play cards and I almost never lose.
37. Boys won't play cards with me because of it.
38. I never answer the doorbell, even if I'm home (unless I'm expecting someone).
39. I'm a neat freak, but I almost never make my bed.
40. I hate sleeping alone.
41. Stupid-funny movies irritate me (anything with Jim Carey/Adam Sandler etc.)
42. I hate staying in hotels.
43. I keep my apartment very dark, I always have to remember to turn lights on when people come over.
44. I hate carrying an umbrella, I would rather just get wet.
45. Crooked pictures drive me crazy. I go around various restaurants, people's homes, libraries etc. straightening them.
46. My wisdom teeth were supposed to be taken out 10 years ago, but I chickened out and just deal with the pain of teething.
47. I went to my senior prom with some guy I met at Taco Bell.
48. I will never set foot in another Taco Bell
49. The only perfume I will wear is Romance by Ralph Lauren
50. Gerber Daisies are my favorite flower.
51. I've never gotten flowers from anyone...ever.
52. I always read the sections of the paper in a specific order. If someone else is reading my next section, I wait.
53. I get anxious if I don't know what time it is.
54. It only takes me 15 minutes to get ready for work in the morning.
55. I have "empty box syndrome". I almost always keep the box that things come in, so I have it when I move.
56. I moved 6 times in my childhood.
57. I have the same thing for breakfast almost every morning - Poptarts.
58. In my lifetime I've had 3 dogs (only one at a time), Moon, Anton and Ginger.
59. When I was in First Grade, my cousin used to drive me to school everyday in his Mustang.
60. that was the last time I was ever "cool"
61. That cousin and I have the same birth date May 13.
62. I loathe Fox news and won't even be in the same room if it's on.
63. I own over 300 books, and I've read all but 2
64. I read the White House press briefing transcripts...because I think they are funny.
65. I hate wearing shorts and don't even own a pair.
66. All the keys on my keyring have to face the same direction.
67. I do my taxes by hand, I'm too cheap to even use Turbo Tax.
68. I refuse to ride the bus.
69. All but 2 photographs up in my apartment, I took.
70. I never tell people who come over that I took them.
71. Sometimes I type too fast for my computer and it takes a second for it to catch up.
72. I love my label maker, everything in my house is obsessively labeled.
73. If I could eat only one food for the rest of my life it would be tiramisu.
74. I love putting the little check mark next to my completed tasks in Outlook.
75. I own lots of beautiful jewelry, but never wear any of it because I hate looking "accessorized".
76. The only thing I miss (aside from my friends) about living in the Midwest is central air conditioning .
77. I am incapable of flirting. I once used a Lord of the Flies reference as a pick-up line. It didn't go over very well.
78. I won't read certain books/magazines on the train because I don't want people to think I'm vacuous.
79. I hate it when people use dinner and diner incorrectly in writing.
80. I've only worked at two places my entire life.
81. I am excellent at holding a grudge.
82. I didn't vote for the first time until the 2004 election.
83. My screen name (kaibigan) means friend in Tagalog.
84. I hate shaking hands with people.
85. My refrigerator contains nothing but Diet Dr. Pepper, ketchup and a jar of pickles.
86. I don't have a take-out menu drawer, I have a take-out menu binder, separated into sections by cuisine type with each section in alphabetical order.
87. I can't go anywhere without chapstick.
88. People who automatically know where North/South/East/West are without using a compass intimidate me.
89. I love a good snowball fight.
90. Even though I don't use AOL anymore, I still pay for it.
91. I like Pepsi better than Coke
92. My favorite song is Winter by Tori Amos.
93. Ironing is very cathartic for me.
94. My handwriting is all capital letters, a carryover from my days as a draftsperson.
95. I absolutely hate having my picture taken.
96. 6 months after getting my driver's license I backed into a friends car while she was in the passenger's seat next to me. The insurance company laughed at me. hard.
97. I won't buy holidays versions of my favorite candy (with the exception of York peppermint "batties" at Halloween) because I don't like cutesy food.
98. I couldn't swallow pills until I was 16.
99. I thought I was a boring person until I filled this out.
100. Thinking of 100 things about myself took me 4 days.
Friday, May 19, 2006
Every time I return to NY after visiting my parents, I realize how much I miss my stuff while I’m gone. I guess it’s not my bed and books and photographs I miss, but my sense of self. I never felt free growing up to be who I was, or even to explore who I was. I’ve always lived by their definition of who I was, and it’s only been these past few years that I’ve lived in NY that I have felt like I’ve gained some independence. I know I am much too old to worry about the judgment of my parents, but I do. I won’t get the tattoo I want for fear of disownment, I still hide my Asian Erotica book and take down my photos when they come to visit. I endured endless mocking from my mom and sibling in the mall this past weekend because I was looking at purses, things with pink on them and shirts in colors and patterns other than black and flannel. Now I admit, I went through my various tomboy phases in high school. I spent the earlier parts of high school dressed like a burglar and the latter parts dressed like an extra in Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. The evolution to the purse carrying, skirt wearing, yet still anti-make-up wearing person I am now was a slow one, but I’m here and I’m ready to take on Sephora. They will never see the evolution, partly because they refuse to and partly because I hide pockets of my true self from them. I wish I didn’t fear the look of disappointment as much as I do.
I often wonder if I’m missing the “girly” gene. I can wield a paintbrush on canvas, yet when it comes to putting make-up on my face I always end up looking like Tammy Faye Baker. The two times I’ve attempted to use my kitchen for anything more complicated than a TV dinner, I have started a fire. I don’t get the overwhelming urge to host holidays. Love Story didn’t make me cry.
I wonder sometimes if I will be able to be a good wife or mother. My kids would beg to eat at “Johnny’s house” because his mom doesn’t set the smoke alarm off making a meal. Care packages to camp would never get mailed because the post office scares me. Thanksgiving will entail reservations at AppleBees. I wonder sometimes if being adopted somehow made me miss out on instinctual parenting skills. I am fascinated by reading “mommy blogs” these days. This time of year is hard in that regard for me, especially the days surrounding Mother’s Day. I’m drawn to reading about Mothers and their children and seeing how their stories play out and wondering how my own story would have played out. They told me I would get over it, but I haven’t and I know in my heart I never will.
A sense of “home” is a very foreign concept to me. It isn’t New York, it isn’t where my parents life, it isn’t where I spent my youth….none of those places give me the sense of comfort and acceptance I feel is the essence of what “home” is. I worry that if I can’t create it for my self, I won’t be able to create it for my own family. If only I could stitch one of those “Home is where you heart is” pillows, but alas my sewing skills are worse than my cooking skills and they usually involve massive blood loss.
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
I came home from work tonight determined to put an end to the Squeap. Using a flathead screwdriver, pliers and determination I did manage to pry the cover off the smoke alarm. However, there was no back-up battery to be found. In complete desperation I attempted to smash what I thought was the speaker, but to no avail, the Squeap continued. It was around this time that I finally started to accept that the sound was not coming from the smoke detector. I got out my drafting table stool (the tallest thing in my apartment) climbed up and searched every corner of my apartment for the Squeap source. FINALLY I found it in a dark hallway…a carbon monoxide detector hidden on top of the picture rail that surrounds the walls of my apartment about a foot below the ceiling. Patting myself on the back for being so ingenious (and ignoring the fact it took me more than 24 hours) I tasted victory. That is until I attempted to get the carbon monoxide detector off the wall. I yanked, I twisted, I squeezed, but it Squeaped in my face in utter defiance. Since I couldn’t tell if it was hooked into the building security system, I didn’t want to risk taking my softball bat to it and ending the ordeal. Not to be defeated, I managed to break the flimsy plastic clips holding the battery cover on and remove it (luckily it was NOT hooked into the security system…or at least if it was, nobody cared). Victory! Squeap – 0, Kai – 1. Of course now I have a smashed smoke detector and a broken carbon monoxide detector to replace, but it’s a small price to pay for the end of the Squeaping.
You know…I kind of miss it.
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Saturday, May 13, 2006
Friday, May 12, 2006
Had I just not cared about my hair, the suitcase thing would not have been an issue. Many MANY a time I have lugged my suitcase to work with me on Friday night to catch the last flight to O'Hare. But today, it was raining and I had spent over an hour last night straightening my hair. I have very long hair and it's quite a task and I was not letting the rain ruin my work! I managed to get on the subway with dry hair, but a very wet suitcase....and my fellow 7 Train to Times Square riders looked at me like I was crazy. Well the men did, the straight haired women nodded in solidarity. Crisis averted.
Since I'll be on a plane during normal dinner hours, I decided to go out and get lunch. Normally I skip it, or dine on the crackers or pop tarts in my desk, but I had a craving for "real food" and went out to the local deli for a sandwich. I love this place because it also gives you a free pickle with purchase, and well, what woman doesn't love a free pickle. I brought it back to my desk and in the 15 minutes I was gone, someone had dropped the final version of a recording contact to be signed today on my desk (I do legal work for an independent rock/metal record label). I pushed it aside to devour my lunch and somehow my free pickle flew out of my hands and landed on the pile of agreements. Sigh....now I have to explain to the band why there is a pickle imprint on their newly inked record deal. I have a coffee meeting at 3pm. Perhaps I can stain the latest iTunes deal this afternoon. Scented agreements....I just may be onto something here. It will set our label apart from the rest.
I've made this NY-Chicago trip more times than I can count this year....and it's only May. I have the same seat on the same planes and have the same flight attendants. I wonder if that counts me as a "jet setter"? I think the name implies a certain hipness that I do not posess. Also I think jet setters usually go more to more exotic locales than Chicago, so I guess I'm just a girl with a LOT of frequent flyer miles.
The (formerly) amorous hippos in the apartment above me have lost their love and are currently having one hell of an argument. It has been going on for a few hours now, and I can't lay there anymore and attempt sleep. It's bothering me on many levels, the noise, but not just the volume, I can't make out the words, so it's the lovers quarrel version of the teacher in Charlie Brown. My nosy self wants to know what they are yelling about, but no matter how hard I try, I can't make it out. Secondly, the yelling is bringing back ugly memories for me. The years that D and I did exactly what the two of them are doing. Its funny, I have little recollection of what he and I would so vehemently argue about, so when I replay it in my mind it sounds a lot like what I'm listening to, garbled words, hearing only the highs and lows of various emotions. Again, like the Charlie Brown cartoon. I remember the emotion too clearly for it to have been so many years ago now. I remember the yelling being so bad that you would hear his roommate sneak out to his girlfriends house at 4am so he could get some sleep before having to go to work in the morning. I usually wouldn't be too far behind him, either driving aimlessly around for a few hours, or sacking out on a friend's couch, or going to the 24 hour convenience store and wandering the aisles in my pjs waiting until I knew he had gotten up and gone, so I could go back home, shower and get to work.
I hope things end differently for the (formerly) amorous hippos above than they did for me. In the 10 months here I've never heard them fight before, but have spent countless nights listening to their headboard pound against the wall in an all too familiar rhythm, so perhaps there is hope. I give Mr. Amorous Hippo credit...he's kept his cool and barely raised his voice to Ms. Amorous Hippoette, even though she's been screaming at him for hours. Maybe it means he's guilty of something though, I'm not sure. I can only hope she doesn't end up wandering the aisles of our local 24 hour grocery store or riding the subway until dawn. If she wants to knock on my door, with her pillow under her arm and sack out on my couch it's fine with me. I've been her in a past life and I've come out on the other side.
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Friday, May 05, 2006
Thursday, May 04, 2006
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
11 days until my birthday!!!!!