Thursday, May 27, 2010

Love Panic

The past day or so I have felt a mix of emotions and feel like a rubber band ball of thoughts. Post doctor appointment anxiety, my upcoming trip to Illinois, moving and packing and the looming telling of my parents of the impending move have sent me to the edge. My life has changed dramatically in the past 5 months. There is a distinct path where there wasn't one before. A path I dreamed about taking. A road I never thought I would find.
Last night I broke down. I doubted everything. I doubted The Boy and with the clarity of a new day and a decent night's sleep came the guilt that I could doubt loving him. This love doesn't look like the loves of my past and I doubted its strength. I don't feel that constant "devastation if we aren't together" feeling that I have known so well when I had weak loves, that needed me to work so hard at perfection to keep them alive. With the Boy, love isn't based on fear and for a moment, it was unrecognizable to me. It's never been like this for me. We can talk about anything. He is accepting of my anxiety issues and is undeterred by them. He wants a future with me. He loves me unconditionally and makes sure that he shows me in some way every day. This is everything I have ever wanted and now that I have it, I feel overwhelmed by all the change and then guilty for having fears and doubts.
My married friends tell me this is 100% fine and that it's common to have doubts. We get lured into thinking that love is all unicorns and rainbows and there is a clear cut "how you are supposed to feel". Each love takes its own journey and it's unrealistic to expect any 2 loves to be the same. I think once the move is complete, the parents are met and told and a balance is restored, my sense of self and love will be renewed. I have faith in myself and in The Boy and I know that our love journey is nowhere near being over.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

A Big Girl

Yesterday I put my big girl pants on and had a physical! Yes, that's right, I WENT TO THE DOCTOR!!!! I even let her take blood and give me a tetanus shot! I am so proud that I conquered my fear and The Boy was nice enough to buy me a donut as a post-dr appt reward! Fingers crossed all test results come out fine and that I don't have to have another appointment for a year! My arm KILLS post-shot, but hopefully that will subside in time for this weekends trip back to Illinois where The Boy meets The Parents.

Stay tuned!

Monday, May 17, 2010

Birthday Week

I had an amazing birthday weekend. Cake, a very romantic waterfront restaurant dinner, a Nook, a trip to the Poconos where we ate, drank, slept and talked....I couldn't have asked for a better birthday weekend! I just may keep getting older and older!

Now it's back to work and back to packing!

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Happy Birthday to ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IT's not even noon and so far this birthday thing ROCKS. I got muffins from mom, truffles from a friend and a NOOK from The Boy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Whoo hoo for 31!

Wednesday, May 12, 2010


After TWICE paying off my debt, I find myself in an uncomfortable hole again. NOT the place I want to be before buying a car. I have overindulged and to be honest, I'm not even sure where the money I spent went. I know about 1/3 went to my sister's party and plane tickets home (money I was MORE than happy to spend), but as for the rest....I have NO idea.

My rent will go down this summer once I start living with the Boy, and I've started clipping coupons, which I have never done before. My goal is to get my debt down to half of what it is now before I purchase a car. I KNOW I need to find a good cash system that works for me, but I feel uncomfortable carrying large-ish amounts in my purse at one time. I've NEVER used my ATM card as a debit card, but I'm thinking that may be a good place to start. I will use my debit card for groceries and necessities and cash for anything entertainment/fun-related. I have a specific amount set aside each month for "non-necessities" which if I carry that in cash will limit my overindulgence in that area.

I'm disappointed in myself for getting out of control (again) but at least I have a plan.

Friday, May 07, 2010

I'm Happy...Really, but Moving SUCKS

I'm excited about my upcoming move, really I am, so allow me the indulgence of whining about it for a post.

Moving. Sucks.

When the Boy and I agreed to live together, it was all roses and excitement about upcoming trips to Ikea and the Container Store and romantic picnics in the yard. Fast Forward to now:

Packing, organizing, changing prescriptions across state lines, getting a NJ drivers license, needing proof of address when you don't have a lease or utility bill, changing magazine subscriptions to the wrong new address and having to change them AGAIN and oh did I mention the packing?

Also the telling of my parents, which will require a whole post of its know, when I actually get up the courage to you it.

Wednesday, May 05, 2010


The Boy and I got our results back from the Dr. We have MRSA...the antibiotic-resistant staph. I am still researching and trying to figure out what it all means. Neither of us have "flare ups" right now and it can lay dormant for awhile, but we will have to be super diligent about any scratches, bites or cuts we get and we have a special cleanser to use in the shower. I hate knowing that at any time it could come back and make us both really sick.

These super-bugs are super scary!