Thursday, February 23, 2006

What extreme boredom at work makes you do....

pry off all the keys on your keyboard and clean the crumbs if only I could remember where the letters go....

Monday, February 13, 2006

Ok. Enough with the snow coverage already! Yes, we got a lot of snow. Yes it's difficult to walk in. Yes it cancelled lots of flights, but we GET it....Snow is hard to deal with, but we're all going to be ok. This is not Apocolypse Now. CNN, NY Post, Daily News...please go find some real news. Like tratracking down prominent lawmakers who shoot friends for sport on the weekends.

Sunday, February 12, 2006

The concept of baggage came up in another forum, but I didn't want to post my thoughts there. Baggage is the stuff that makes a person real. It's the lessons of their past, the scars from their experiences, their triumphs, their accomplishments. Without baggage we would be empty, an unused suitcase with no travels or scratches.

Some people search for an ideal in a mate. They want someone who is flawless and settle for nothing less than their definition of perfection. I seek the scars of another person, the marks from a life lived. I want someone who doesn't hide their history, who has a story to tell and who wants to hear even the ugliest facets of mine. I want someone who is real.

My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red than her lips' red;
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.
I have seen roses damasked, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in teh breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound;
I grant I never saw a goddess go;
My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground.
And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare.

Sonnet 130 -W. Shakespeare

Friday, February 10, 2006


Someone asked me recently if it was possible to be just be friends with someone you have/had romantic feelings for. I absolutely think it's possible, but not without a LOT of torture, tears and heartache. It comes down to whether you feel that the moments of friendship that you do share are worth the moments of sadness that will accompany them. It baffles me that we put ourselves in these situations. How many friendships never came to light because we destroyed them with expectations of romance and dating and were dissapointed? How can you even truly like someone before you know them? You meet someone who kind-of might be cool and jump straight in to "potential relationship mode". It's not the qualities of the person you are attracted to, it's the idea of a relationship and hormones that are calling the shots. I'm definitely guilty of falling in love with ideas and not people. Maybe not so much ideas, but with possibility. A lot of times we fight for the concept of a relationship and not the actual person. One person tries to change the other into the ideal and that is almost always the beginning of the end. I am so sensitive to being altered. Maybe it's my innate stubborness, but as soon as I feel as though I'm not accepted for truly who I am, I bail. I'm the first to admit I suck at relationships, but the one thing I never do is try to make someone into someone they are not. People are complex. They are made up of parts that annoy you, parts that you admire, parts that you hate, parts that you couldn't live without....Relationships (for me) are about loving the sum of the parts, the bigger picture. The whole person. Unfortunately, people get to chose the parts of themselves that you get to see. The "bigger picture" is still cropped. We all have secrets we'll never tell, parts of our history that will always remain just ours. The trick is finding someone's core self, finding the pieces of them that affect everything else. When you find those elements of a person, that's when it becomes something real. Your relationship stops being about similar interests, taste in food and starts being something strong. I'm not defined by my hatred of tomatoes, my love of Ocean's 11 or my obsessive organization and I certainly don't want others to define me or pigeonhole me based on those things. You have to want to search. Getting to know me is a journey and one that many come ill equiped for. Perhaps I should give out a compass, a canteen and a weapon at the door. We're too quick to categorize people I put them into sections of our heart "friend" "romantic interest" "weird guy". You'll never know what someone is meant to be to you if you don't abolish expectations from you mind and focus on getting to know who they are. I need to try harder to listen to my own advice. I see a gorgeous Asian man and immediately my mind swirls with possibility and hope. Its the hope (and the hormones LOL) that destroys the possibility in the end.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

NY Odd sighting #1

This morning on my subway ride to work there was an Asian man in his 30s reading an erotic story. Not a book that had steamy parts, but a computer printed out erotic story. Now I'm all for freedom of speech, but really isn't 8:30am a bit early in the AM to be reading such things? Seems more like reading material for the ride home...

Monday, February 06, 2006

Before last night I can't remember the last time I laughed so hard I cried. Around midnight my friend Grace called me to turn on Animal Planet. I thought she was insane, but I did it anyway and discovered this show called "Puppy Bowl II". Basically it's THREE HOURS of puppies running around in a pseudo mini football field. It sounds boring, but it's strangely enthralling. For hours I sat glued to my TV watching puppies play. Ocassionally a "ref" of some sort would come out throw a flag on the field (which usually a puppy would promptly steal or pee on) and announce something ridiculous like "5 yard penalty for illegal "pawffence". Grace and I were in TEARS watching the whole spectacle which included a riveting half time show of horror stricken cats sitting on scratching posts getting bombarded with buckets and buckets of confetti. It was pure comedy from start to finish. It's good to laugh like that every once in awhile. Check your Animal Planet schedule for repeats. It's not something one should miss.

Sunday, February 05, 2006

Another addictive book site...

*at least this one is free :-)