Thursday, April 24, 2008

It's over.

for good this time.

I don't know if I can heal a second time.

Monday, April 21, 2008

Do Men Do This Too?

As I go through life, there is one observation that astounds me more than anything else; women will put up with almost anything in order to stay in a relationship.
I won't say that I haven't done the same thing at times in my life. I've put up with cheating, ambiguous relationship definitions (various forms of friends with benefits) and mis-treatment all for the dregs of affection the man in question was willing to send my way. The "something is better than nothing" mentality coupled with the "I don't deserve better" school of thought has definitely been my downfall. I'm getting better at it, but I fully acknowledge I have a long way to go.
It's not just me that suffers from this affliction though. I am surrounded by women who do the exact same thing to varying degrees. I have a co-worker recounts almost daily the tales of her struggles with her boyfriend of 3 years. I thought the final straw was last weekend when he invited her to his birthday party, only to have him never show up. After 4 hours of waiting, she decides to leave and on her way out the door, she is confronted by a woman who turns out to be the mother of one of his two children who informs my co-worker that she has been dating the guy for nearly 4 years and they are living together. He has been cheating the ENTIRE TIME on them both. She claimed to be done with him and the drama, and even though I've heard it before, I truly believed she was going to move on. This morning she comes to work and tells me they are hanging out again! I couldn't even speak! There are only so many times you can tell your friends they are making bad choices before you just have to let them learn on their own.
I find this pattern all too common with women. I've know women who stay after being hit, stay after multiple infidelities, stay after too many "I'm sorrys". At what age do we learn that we need a man, even a crappy one, to be complete? Do men go around thinking their lives aren't whole if they don't have a wife? Why do we wait until the man decides he's had enough and breaks it off instead of standing up for ourselves and saying we deserve better and moving on?
I know I'm a hypocrite for writing this and for judging my co-worker. We all have our own breaking points and things we are willing to sacrifice for what we think is love. I know it's not black and white, but I also think it's not the many shades of grey we think it is. Love isn't bruises, cheating, indifference, cruelty or lying. Why do so many women, myself included, think it is?

Sunday, April 20, 2008

I can finally breathe again!

My cold is finally subsiding. I'm still a little congested, but my voice is back to normal and my energy level is returning.

I'm working on a new photography site for my photos. It's not up and running yet, but hopefully I'll have something up this week to show you.

HAPPY 29th Birthday to my friend Aaron. I can't believe we are this close to 30 now....ugh.

Friday, April 18, 2008

Spring! and Earthquakes

It's a gorgeous day out (I've heard anyway...I'm stuck inside at work) and New York as a whole seems to be in a better mood. The winter blahs have left and people are out celebrating. It's a sea of tank tops and flip flops outside and I hope to escape for a bit during my brief lunch break to see the sun for myself.

This cold is really kicking me in the butt. I will most likely be spending my weekend in bed trying to sleep it off which sucks. It's the first warm weekend we've had in months and I'm going to miss it!! Grrrr.

In unrelated news, there was an earthquake in IL this morning!!! Scary! Family over there is fine, aside from some broken items, but I'm not sure the dog will get over it...Explaining seismic activity to an Irish Setter is not an easy task.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008


Eharmony boy brought me some hospital germs (he's a nurse) and I now have a nasty cold!

I finally find a guy willing to share his life with me and this is what I get. Great.


Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Behind on Life

I have a HUGE respect for people who go to school and work full time. I've only been taking a few classes here and there, but I'm amazed at how easy it is to fall behind with life. My apartment is a disaster, I desperately need to go to the grocery store and the mail is piling up! Hopefully I can catch up this weekend, though I'm supposed to have a date with Eharmony boy on Sunday. I just need a solid weekend with no plans to catch up on everything!

My classes this past weekend went well. Though I suffered major mental fatigue by the end of Sunday's session, I did learn a lot and discovered some features of my camera I never would have known about otherwise, so it was well worth the time. I'm considering seeing what classes I need to take in order to have a career in photo retouching, but I'm not sure it's feasible. I don't want to do school full time and I think I would need years of training in order to do it professionally.

This whole life's HARD....

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Class #1

I signed up for a series of photography classes recently. I had my first class in Photoshop last night and it went well. I didn't realize how much I actually learned until I got home and started playing around with it myself. I'm glad I took really good notes. My next class is Sunday and that one is on digital photography and camera settings.

Even though I learned a lot and liked my instructor, I couldn't stand my classmates! There was a group of people from a company who wanted to learn how to do very specific/advanced things (so advanced my instructor didn't even know how to do them!) and it was an INTRO course. When my instructor tried to move on with class (nicely telling them she would look up the information on how to do what they wanted and email it to them after class) one of them got VERY rude and abrasive. Finally the British woman next to me asked a diversionary question and we got back on track. Hopefully the people in my Sunday class will be nicer and more in keeping with the course level.

It definitely feels nice to cross something on my life to-do list off! Photoshop knowledge, CHECK!

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Things I want to accomplish before I die - UPDATED

It's time to update my life to do list! I can actually cross some things off!!!

Have a dog
Own a car
Experience love
Own my own home
Learn another language
Lose 30 lbs
Eat dinner in a restaurant alone
Redecorate my bedroom
Do a mosaic with the glassware I got when my grandmother died
Sell one of my photographs
Bake bread from scratch not using a breadmaker
Learn Photoshop
Learn to rollerblade/ice-skate backwards
Keep a wine journal
Learn how to start a fire in a fireplace
Eat a fancy meal that costs more than $150
Live in New York

Places to Visit:
New Mexico (twice)
Toronto (want to go again)
Paris – going in March 2009
New Zealand

Morocco – going in October 2008

Los Angeles (twice)




Washington DC

Rhode Island

Monday, April 07, 2008

I didn't mean to neglect you!

You would think that my blog neglection would mean that I was living a crazy, busy exciting life, but sadly it's just not true. Not much going on in the life of Kai these days. I made dinner for Eharmony boy on Friday. I made Chicken Parmesan and it turned out SO GOOD. I've been eating leftovers for days. SO GOOD.

Tomorrow night I have the first in a series of photography classes I signed up for. This one is Photoshop for Photographers. I don't usually use Photoshop much to alter my photos so I'm looking forward to seeing what tricks I can learn.

I watched A Prairie Home Companion this weekend. VERY disappointing. My Netflix choices have been terrible lately. I have really been picking some duds lately! This week's choice is Love in the Time of Cholera. Loved the book, so we'll see if I like the movie. Anyone seen it?

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Trip Planning....

I've been feeling the itch lately to take a big trip this year. I'll be going to Mexico in June, but that is more of a beachy (parentally-funded) relaxing trip and I'm looking for something a little different. I've been doing some research and I am seriously considering Morocco. I'm a little concerned about the danger aspect and I would hopefully find someone to go with me, as it's not the best place for a woman to travel alone (though it can be done), but I'm definitely thinking about trying to plan a trip for early Fall.

Anyone been there or know anyone who has gone?? Am I crazy for wanting to go there? If so, any other suggestions for places to go? I've already done England, Aruba, Canada, Mexico, am going to France and possibly Italy next year and I was looking for a trip more....rugged? I'm not sure what the right word is....less...modern maybe? Just somewhere totally different from anything I've seen before.