Sunday, February 28, 2010


I'm still battling a staph infection, but I think in the end I'll win. My boy has been amazing, spending the entire weekend with me doing everything for me and taking great care of me.


Today after he left to go home, I went to sign into gmail and it took me a second to realize HE was still signed in. As I was logging out, I noticed he had emails from Eharmony. I didn't read them and promptly logged out, but just seeing that he is obviously still a member hurts. The "is he still searching" question is BURNING into me. We have had the "I'm not dating anyone else" conversation, but I guess I never asked if he was still looking. I thought he told me he was no longer a member, but I don't recall.

Do I fess up and calmly bring up that he was left logged in and I saw emails from eharmony and ask? Or do I do what my therapist is always telling me to do and "choose to bring the good books down from the shelves" meaning choose to react in a good way, realize that CLEARLY likes me if he spent the entire weekend caring for me while sick, calling me constantly to talk, telling me how much he likes me and how lucky he feels and showing me nearly every day in some way that he cares.

What would you do?????

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Getting the Most out of my Health Insurance

In the past two weeks I have been to the doctor THREE TIMES. Three different doctors, three different prescriptions! First was the therapy appt so that I could get therapy tools to deal with the doctor anxiety, which came with drugs. Second was the OB/GYN appt (which by the way, was a SUCCESS and not at ALL as bad as I thought!) which came with a prescription, and third was TODAY's emergency appointment because I somehow cut my leg and it got WICKED infected. Thankfully I was able to get to a walk-in clinic that takes my insurance and was on my way with yet ANOTHER prescription after only 30 minutes.

I have now had my FILL of doctors for the YEAR. No more maladies in 2010 please!!!!

Monday, February 15, 2010


I can't even begin to describe how lucky I feel these days. The Boy is beyond my wildest expectations. He wakes up early to get me coffee so I don't have to go without. He comes in while I'm taking a shower to turn the heater on so that when I get out it will be warm. When my phone rings and it's in another room, he runs to get it for me. He is so thoughtful and generous and HOT that I can't help but look at him and feel lucky.

And I didn't even mention the dark chocolate covered strawberries and truffles he bought me for Valentine's Day!

Plus, and I can't figure out why, he tells me he feels lucky too.

Ok mushy gushing is over. :-)

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

I did it.

I conquered one of my fears today. I went to the Dr.!

My hands were shaking the entire time and there were a few times I thought I was going to pass out, but I successfully made it through the appointment.

When I sought help last March for my anxiety, I don't think I ever really thought I was going to get here. I look back at how limited and fearful my life was back then and wonder why I chose to live that way for so long.

I recently read the book Resilence by Elizabeth Edwards and in it she talks about how much happier life is when you can realize the difference between life changes that are fixable and which ones are truly permanent life alterations we must accept to live with. I thought for so long I wasn't able (or maybe it was worth) fixing. I'm definitely not 100% there yet, but for the first time I feel like I started walking in the right direction.

Monday, February 08, 2010

You Guys Were Right

Meeting the friends was 100% fine. Hopefully I made a good impression, but he was more concerned that *I* liked them, than if they liked me, which was sweet. We spent the rest of the weekend together and it was amazing. I didn't lift a finger the entire weekend. He cooked, cleaned, procured my coffee. I was a spoiled girl for 48 hours and I don't even feel bad for thinking/feeling I deserved it!

Am I really this lucky? Did I finally hit the boy jackpot????

Thursday, February 04, 2010


My Boy has been mentioning that his friends want to meet me. Usually I just make a joke and deflect, but today he asked me to have dinner with him and his best friend and his gf tomorrow night and I agreed.

I'm nervous about meeting his friends of course, and doing the whole "will they like me, will I say something stupid, what do I wear, is it ok to hold his hand" questioning, but I'm also freaking out because it's a milestone of sorts. I've never gotten to this stage in a relationship before and I keep looking around thinking how did *I* get here??

Send Xanax. ASAP.

Tuesday, February 02, 2010

1 month down!

2010 is 1/12th over already?? Wow!

So far this has been a great year for me. I'm healthier than ever, have a fantastic boy in my life and really feel like I've found my life "groove". I figured out a budget plan now so hopefully I can get that area of my life in check this year as well. The comments on my whiney post made me realize it's ok to spoil myself a bit and not be 100% perfect. I've made MAJOR changes in my life as of late, and it is good to celebrate them!

Fingers crossed 2010 is my year!