Friday, December 31, 2010
Monday, November 22, 2010
Monday, November 08, 2010
Wednesday, November 03, 2010
I had something very specific in mind for my wedding shoes and despite a lengthy search, I couldn't find exactly what I wanted. I happen to come across a London-based website that lets you design your own shoes! I designed exactly what I wanted and now I just have to wait 2 months while they make them. SO EXCITED!
Tuesday, November 02, 2010
Friday, October 29, 2010
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Thursday, October 07, 2010
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
My goal is to lose 46 pounds by November of next year. Ready. Set. GO!
Monday, September 20, 2010
Let's see...while I was gone, I changed jobs (lateral move, same job, working for an old boss at a new company a block away from where I am now...same distance to Starbucks....same salary), re-joined Netflix and am making my way through more Lost and some Weeds along with some movies, been cooking a lot, organizing boxes of my childhood stuff my dad brought on his visit....trying to lose weight so I will fit into my bridesmaid dress in a few weeks...and that's pretty much it! A friend did get me hooked on the Hunger Games series of books and I'm in the midst of #2. Anyone else read it?
Friday, August 27, 2010
The Boy's mom's birthday is this weekend and I told him I would make a cake for her. I chose a complicated Tiramisu recipe, and it was somewhat labor intensive, but it turned out SO pretty. We haven't tasted it yet, but if it tastes as good as it smelled, someone is going to have to hold me back from eating the entire thing!
Heading out for my first solo road trip in my new car. I am heading upstate to visit my cousin.
Speaking of getting on old bandwagons, I just started reading The Help. I am LOVING it! Anyone reading anything good these days?
Thursday, August 05, 2010
Thursday, July 15, 2010
We are struggling right now with the balance of together time/alone time/time individually with friends/time together with friends etc. He would be perfectly happy if we just spent every minute together and never went anywhere without the other. I, on the other hand, like my time to wander the grocery store aisles aimlessly, sit and read in a Starbucks or to take a walk along the waterfront alone with my thoughts. We've had good conversations about our differences, but there never seems to be any resolution. As an only child of a single parent, he hated being alone all the time and would rather be surrounded by people at all times. My needs are different and finding the balance has been difficult. Our conversations are good, we communicate SO WELL and there is never any arguing or yelling, it's just a deep conversation, but at the end I can't help but feel disconnected from him a bit. I know that I need to just have faith that the balance will find itself. The nature of having 2 different jobs and sets of friends will mean that alone time will be had, and our date night tradition will continue so together time will also be had, but for now there is a fear that exists for me. A fear of what I am not exactly sure....we have both acknowledged that this difference is in NO way a dealbreaker and we are both still 100% committed to eachother so I don't think it is a fear of him leaving me...a fear of making him (or myself) unhappy? an unrealistic expectation of relationship perfection? I wish I could figure it out so I could get rid of this feeling. For now I am holding on to the fact that we are communicating openly and respectfully about the issue and knowing that a man who leaves a smiley face spelled out in m&ms and a gin & tonic with freshly squeezed lime on the kitchen table for me to find while he is out running errands is someone who clearly loves me and isn't going anywhere.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Sunday was "date afternoon/night" for the Boy and I. We have realized that if we spend time together just doing house stuff or watching TV we both feel less connected to eachother so we make a point to have a date once a week or so. Sunday I made a bunch of finger food/type dishes, he made Gin & Tonics and we watched Avatar and munched on our treats. Afterwards we went out and took a sunset walk along the waterfront. Definitely one of my favorite date night's we've had.
Have settled into a good routine thus far aside from the weight loss/workout front. I still do my Wii, but only a few days a week and i"m hoping to kick that up a bit and REALLY get it in the schedule on a regular basis. I also really liked the waterfront path we walked along last night so I may try to do a weekly walk there as well just to mix it up sometimes.
Tonight I am making a foray into the world of pork and attempting a brine. I don't eat meat except for chicken, but the poor Boy I live with is getting a little bored so I am trying to mix it up a bit. I made an apple/maple brine last night and have it in the fridge marinating...Wish me luck with Ms. Piggy! lol
Friday, July 09, 2010
A little over a year I was plagued with anxiety problems, in therapy, living alone in a no frills NYC apartment spending WAY too much time with my Tivo and working crazy hours.
Now I live with a boyfriend who I couldn't love more and am heading toward marriage in a lovely New Jersey house with all the amenities, own my own car and work regular hours and sometimes even get to leave EARLY.
I wish I had kept more faith back then that things would be different. It's a stark reminder to me that "It won't always be like this, so enjoy the good times and know the bad ones won't be forever".
What on EARTH will another year bring??? I'm afraid to ask.
Sunday, July 04, 2010
Monday, June 28, 2010
The next morning I woke up and The Boy had cleaned up the entire house and yard and it looked like we hadn't had a party the previous day AT ALL. The house was spotless! Seriously, what guy does THAT???
I picked up my dress for my sister's wedding in October and tried it on. It's a tad snug, but hopefully by October I can drop a few pounds. I've been keeping up quite well with my Wii these days so I'm not too worried.
Yesterday we just hung around the house and did chores. I did sneak some good reading time out in the sun though to get my Vitamin D fix. I LOVE love having a yard again. I also did some cooking, made dinner in the crockpot which turned out just ok and made a super yummy chocolate lava cake, but the "lava" part is COFFEE. Seriously YUM.
Now it's back to work. Why WHY do weekends go so fast??
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Unfortunately my debt, though by no means out of control, is higher than I am comfortable with, so while saving for my car, I would also like to pay it off as well. I tentatively laid out a budget plan for myself and it looks like by the end of September I can be debt free and have my downpayment. Though 3 months seems a long time to wait, I don't want to make this purchase with debt looming over my head, so I am going to force myself to be responsible about it.
Being a grownup is hard!
Monday, June 14, 2010
Hopefully after that I will be able to get back on some sort of schedule and start working out again....I stepped on the scale recently and had a "Did the DOG step on the scale with me, because that number can NOT correspond to the weight of just ME" moment.
Moving burns calories..right?
Wednesday, June 09, 2010
Friday, June 04, 2010
Thursday, June 03, 2010
And then promptly had a panic attack on the train going home and The Boy had to come get me.
She took it better than I thought actually. I definitely got the "I'm disappointed in you" lecture, but I think she realizes that I'm in my 30s now and there isn't much she can do about it. I think her fear partly is that she doesn't want us to get stuck in the living together phase and then not move forward with getting married, but I made certain to drive home the point that we were going to do things on our own timeframe and for what works for us. At least she never threw out the phrase "living in sin" to me.
I see that as progress.
Tuesday, June 01, 2010
I am feeling much better from last week's mini-flip out. A friend recommended the book called The Concious Bride to me which I checked out. Even though I'm not technically engaged yet, she thought I was having similar relationship anxieties about all the changes in my life right now and its comforting to know it's 100% normal to have adjustment woes!
Starting tonight I am beginning the SLOW process of weaning off my daily anxiety meds. I'm a tad nervous but ready to attempt life without them. Fingers crossed!
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Monday, May 17, 2010
Now it's back to work and back to packing!
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
My rent will go down this summer once I start living with the Boy, and I've started clipping coupons, which I have never done before. My goal is to get my debt down to half of what it is now before I purchase a car. I KNOW I need to find a good cash system that works for me, but I feel uncomfortable carrying large-ish amounts in my purse at one time. I've NEVER used my ATM card as a debit card, but I'm thinking that may be a good place to start. I will use my debit card for groceries and necessities and cash for anything entertainment/fun-related. I have a specific amount set aside each month for "non-necessities" which if I carry that in cash will limit my overindulgence in that area.
I'm disappointed in myself for getting out of control (again) but at least I have a plan.
Friday, May 07, 2010
When the Boy and I agreed to live together, it was all roses and excitement about upcoming trips to Ikea and the Container Store and romantic picnics in the yard. Fast Forward to now:
Packing, organizing, changing prescriptions across state lines, getting a NJ drivers license, needing proof of address when you don't have a lease or utility bill, changing magazine subscriptions to the wrong new address and having to change them AGAIN and oh did I mention the packing?
Also the telling of my parents, which will require a whole post of its own...you know, when I actually get up the courage to you know...do it.
Wednesday, May 05, 2010
These super-bugs are super scary!
Thursday, April 29, 2010
I'm scared, but also very excited. Aside from the practical things that thrill me (he has a washer/dryer, dishwasher, I would FINALLY have an entire room dedicated to being my home office, I would be able to buy a car, my rent would be half of what it is now, etc.), I look forward to building our own little family unit and a life together. I have wanted this for so long, and had a rough dating journey to get here and am beyond excited to finally be in love and have the security of knowing I've found my person and he found his.
Let's just hope I like being a Jersey Girl!
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Things with the Boy are still amazing...marriage has been discussed...rings have been looked at, but nothing definite as of yet. I think back to a year ago and wonder every day how on earth I got to this place. I wish I had kept my faith better through it all.
I got the invites for my sister's bridal shower in the mail today and they look amazing! Seriously if you need invites for anything, check out http://limoncellostyle.com/ I can't wait to have a reason to need invites for something again! LOL
I started a Couch to 5K program last week. I finished week 1 and will be starting on week 2 tonight. I'm doing it on the Wii, which I am sure lessens the impact of it slightly, but I am happy to get off the couch and at least working out again. So far so good! Let the pounds start melting off!
Whew, I think you guys are all caught up now. I'll try to be a better blogger!
Wednesday, April 07, 2010
The downside is, she found ANOTHER red spot on the back of my leg (its high up and I couldn't see it myself) that worries her, so I'm back on the antibiotics for the THIRD time now. I still can't figure out where this stupid infection is coming from. I'm afraid it is coming from the Boy...it seems to happen whenever I hang at his place. I have my physical next month...hopefully they can figure out what is causing it if anything.
Friday, April 02, 2010
Thursday, April 01, 2010
With all my health issues lately I thought it prudent to get a physical (its been um...a decade I think since I had one), but of course the next available appointment isn't until the end of May. Plenty of time for my doctor phobia to kick into overdrive and drive me INSANE with worry. Terrific.
Sorry about all the whining here lately....maybe someday my blog will stop sounding like the dining hall of a nursing home where everyone discusses their various ailments.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
My follow-up appt is next week....wish me luck.
Monday, March 29, 2010
- My mom dropped a major bomb on me last night. Apparently, I am in charge of planning my sister's bridal shower and my mom wants to do it at their house before they sell it, so I have 8 weeks. Um gee thanks. I barely know my sister at all, don't know her tastes, hell I don't even know what she eats and I'm supposed to plan a party for her???!! I sent my mom some ideas today and thankfully she liked them. I'm going with a gerber daisy theme (those are the flowers my sister is using in the wedding). Now if I could only figure out what sister eats. LOL
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
I think I have an absess in my gums...there is this weird pocket/bubble on my bottom right side. I was supposed to get my wisdom teeth out down there awhile ago (ahem...15 years ago...) and I wonder if it's related to that. Thankfully it's not painful at all and I'm already on antibiotics, but I think once I am FINALLY over staph round 2, I may have to hit up my dentist/oral surgeon.
The Boy's infection is still raging. He saw a dr yesterday who said he just has to wait it out. I still feel SO BAD for causing him pain. Poor Boy...he's the perfect boyfriend and I reward him my giving him staph. :-(
Seriously, when am I going to get a break?!!!
On the upside, I made these tasty blueberry muffins from the Skinnygirl Dish cookbook I got last week. Its been a great resource for teaching me how to re-think my cooking and making it healthier.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Friday, March 19, 2010
Currently I am "handling":
1) my second staph infection in 3 and a half weeks. The pain is unbearable and every day I pray that this second course of antibiotics kicks in and stops the pain.
2) having given my beloved Boy a staph infection! Apparently we are at the "sharing germs" stage of our relationship. Plus the poor guy has no insurance and is allergic to antibiotics, so that throws some fun and extra excitement in the mix for him.
3) the unexpected death of my uncle and missing his services because I am clearly contagious and should not be traveling.
4) a MAJOR weight gain, when I am supposed to be on track for LOSING. Not being able to workout for over a month, not being able to get out of bed for 1.5 weeks and the constant feeling that someone is attempting to build a fire in my upper thigh have lead up to the extra pounds creeping on.
On the tiny tiny upside of all this, my apartment is being cleaned/disinfected this weekend and I don't have to lift a finger AND I discovered that One-a Day makes gummy ADULT vitamins. I have always had trouble swallowing pills so this is a real find! Ironically though, you have to take TWO a day, despite the One-a-Day name.
So life, if you have anything else you need me to take on, I urge you to reconsider. I am running on empty!
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
- I am ITCHING to be healthy again and get back to my Wii workouts! I've gained some of my weight back being so sedentary because of the infections and I would love to get that off again.
- The Boy officially asked me to be his girlfriend last weekend and I of course said yes! I can't resist, at least temporarily putting up a photo of us, so here we are on a recent walk under the GW bridge:
Monday, March 08, 2010
Monday, March 01, 2010
THANK YOU GUYS! I think I would have totally panicked and blew it out of proportion more than I did if I didn't have my blog commenters so BIG HUGS all around! (which I just typed as BIG HUTS...) Huts for everyone! lol
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Today after he left to go home, I went to sign into gmail and it took me a second to realize HE was still signed in. As I was logging out, I noticed he had emails from Eharmony. I didn't read them and promptly logged out, but just seeing that he is obviously still a member hurts. The "is he still searching" question is BURNING into me. We have had the "I'm not dating anyone else" conversation, but I guess I never asked if he was still looking. I thought he told me he was no longer a member, but I don't recall.
Do I fess up and calmly bring up that he was left logged in and I saw emails from eharmony and ask? Or do I do what my therapist is always telling me to do and "choose to bring the good books down from the shelves" meaning choose to react in a good way, realize that CLEARLY likes me if he spent the entire weekend caring for me while sick, calling me constantly to talk, telling me how much he likes me and how lucky he feels and showing me nearly every day in some way that he cares.
What would you do?????
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
I have now had my FILL of doctors for the YEAR. No more maladies in 2010 please!!!!
Monday, February 15, 2010
And I didn't even mention the dark chocolate covered strawberries and truffles he bought me for Valentine's Day!
Plus, and I can't figure out why, he tells me he feels lucky too.
Ok mushy gushing is over. :-)
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
My hands were shaking the entire time and there were a few times I thought I was going to pass out, but I successfully made it through the appointment.
When I sought help last March for my anxiety, I don't think I ever really thought I was going to get here. I look back at how limited and fearful my life was back then and wonder why I chose to live that way for so long.
I recently read the book Resilence by Elizabeth Edwards and in it she talks about how much happier life is when you can realize the difference between life changes that are fixable and which ones are truly permanent life alterations we must accept to live with. I thought for so long I wasn't able (or maybe it was worth) fixing. I'm definitely not 100% there yet, but for the first time I feel like I started walking in the right direction.
Monday, February 08, 2010
Am I really this lucky? Did I finally hit the boy jackpot????
Thursday, February 04, 2010
I'm nervous about meeting his friends of course, and doing the whole "will they like me, will I say something stupid, what do I wear, is it ok to hold his hand" questioning, but I'm also freaking out because it's a milestone of sorts. I've never gotten to this stage in a relationship before and I keep looking around thinking how did *I* get here??
Send Xanax. ASAP.
Tuesday, February 02, 2010
So far this has been a great year for me. I'm healthier than ever, have a fantastic boy in my life and really feel like I've found my life "groove". I figured out a budget plan now so hopefully I can get that area of my life in check this year as well. The comments on my whiney post made me realize it's ok to spoil myself a bit and not be 100% perfect. I've made MAJOR changes in my life as of late, and it is good to celebrate them!
Fingers crossed 2010 is my year!
Friday, January 29, 2010
I was surprised this week at the loss. I made baked mac & cheese last weekend and thought for sure that would throw me off. In addition to my Wii workouts, I've also been playing a LOT of Wii tennis so I think that compensated for my culinary naughtiness.
So happy to see the scale continually going the right way!
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Except that my January spending has been OUT.OF.CONTROL. In the past month I bought:
A wii - $199.00
Wii Active - $59.99
Wii Fit - $99.99
2 other Wii games $60
a new purse $178.00
5 shirts at Victorias Secret $140.00
4 new pairs of shoes $200.00
New PJs $90.00
2 movies $35.00
Um WHAT WAS I THINKING???I spent over a THOUSAND DOLLARS in 28 days! Granted half of that was on the Wii, which I have used every single day for working out, but the other "stuff" was just spontaneous purchases out of boredom at work or just to feel "good" about myself.
I feel so good I've made some great changes to my life recently, but then feel SO BAD about the spending. I am renewing my goal as of February 1 and have been working on creating a reasonable budget for myself. I feel like I have SO many aspects of my life together now..why is this last one such a sticking point for me???
Sunday, January 24, 2010
I have to say every time I win a point against that particular player in the game, I giggle just a little and feel an odd sense of revenge.
It's kind of empowering.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
I HATE this feeling and wonder what happened to my nice, easy relationship.
He did say he fell on his head while skiing....
Monday, January 18, 2010
Leading up to this trip, things were amazing. We SO were that annoying couple you see in restaurants feeding eachother, holding hands and ignoring the world around them. He even apologized for not being able to take me on the trip with him (it was a ski trip he'd had planned with a bunch of friends for months). We texted the day he left, I wished him a safe trip and off he went.
A NORMAL girl would have hung out with friends, caught up on email, maybe did some shopping and NOT OBSESSED that she had been dumped. I, sadly have convinced myself he is breaking up with me and have moped around my house now for 2 days. I wish I could stop this crazy thinking and be rational. My therapist is always encouraging me to think in facts not fantasy.
- I am an excellent catch and it would be his loss if he chooses to end things.
- While 3 days with no contact is unusual, it does NOT necessarily mean he is done with me. Yes, 98% of men break up with women by simply choosing to ignore them, but that does not mean he is doing this and his personality/behavior in the past has indicated that he is not the kind of person that would do that.
If I was a normal, healthy person I would realize that he's out enjoying himself and has every intention of seeing me when he gets back, just as he said. But instead I worry, obsess and grieve for a loss that hasn't even happened.
I'm definitely going to get my money's worth out of therapy this week. Sigh.
Friday, January 15, 2010
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Now that I am in a (hopefully) long-term relationship, I know the importance of a girly-bit check up and some pills that prevent any surprise babies. So I have taken a MAJOR plunge and made a gyno appt. It's not until February, so I have a month to chicken out, but I'm hoping I can stick to my guns and make this major step towards conquering a major fear. I can't believe I have gotten to this point, and also can't believe it's taken 9 months of therapy and drugs to get here, but here I am.
Saturday, January 09, 2010
Fingers crossed, but I have a feeling this one may be around for awhile!
Tuesday, January 05, 2010
My month-long vaca from work will be over on Monday, so this week I'll be cooking, heading to Jersey to visit a friend and her baby and having a date with my Boy! Then it's back to the grind!
Saturday, January 02, 2010
Any other Wii lovers out there??