Friday, March 30, 2007
About a year ago I joined an online forum. I was an active member and posted often, but after a few months the drama and stupidity of some of the members got to me and I deleted my account. Recently during a case of bad insomnia I rejoined under another name, but purposely choose not to include details about myself, as I wanted to remain more anonymous this time and hopefully avoid the Internet trolls. I didn't disclose my location and listed my profession as photographer instead of law.
I've been posting quite a bit lately back and forth with another member on a variety of topics. Last night one of his posts included a reference to his location, and since it was NYC I decided to click on his profile and see if he was hot (LOL...just being honest!). His profile photo was a picture of something in his house and it looked oddly familiar and I knew I had seen it before. I realized that the person I have been corresponding through the forum with is MR. FUN. I searched the member photo gallery to see if he had posted any photos of himself and he had, it's definitely him.
So here's where I need advice. Do I tell him it's me? There's no way that he knows it's me, I've been very careful not to disclose much about myself or my location and my screen name is completely unique from any of my email addresses or instant messenger names. I don't want to mislead him in any way, but I've definitely said things in that forum that I had hoped wouldn't be read by people I knew and I'm hesitant to "out" myself. I feel bad that it's been going on so long, but I can't be expected to search the photo gallery for every single person that responds to one of my online postings to see if I know them or not. Out of the millions of people in the world, what were the odds that the one who was chatting with me was someone I knew?! What would you guys do??
Thursday, March 29, 2007
The biggest difference I have found in dating (and even friendships) between New York and the Midwest is that you rarely spend time in each other's homes. 99% of the time you meet each other at the restaurant/museum/bar that you plan to hang out in and leave each other at the train station at the end of the night. Most of my friends have never been in my apartment and I not in theirs. In the Midwest things are much different, dates pick you up at your doorstep and friends are constantly dropping by to hang out.
By not seeing a person's home and the "stuff" one collects throughout a lifetime, you miss out on seeing the whole picture of who they are. My own apartment speaks volumes about who I am. It's filled with art and photos and hundreds of books. You can tell I'm artistic, well-read and obsessively organized the minute you set foot in the door. I get excited when someone sees my apartment for the first time, because in a way I feel like they are seeing me for the first time too.
I would like to think my apartment only helps my dating life, not hinders it. If you don't like what you see, then you probably have no business being with me anyway. I want a life filled with books and photos and art. If you can't see yourself living that way, then you definitely aren't the man for me. Good riddance. Don't let my signed copy of Anderson Cooper's Dispatches from the Edge hit you on the way out.
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
I loathe cutesy nicknames, and practically gag when couples refer to eachother as anything resembling a food item, but I have to say when Mr. fun calls me babydoll I get a little weak in the knees.
I'm so ashamed.
Monday, March 26, 2007
I think I'm stuck in the "ok". I don't love my job, but it's ok. I don't love NY any more, but it's ok. I don't like any photos that I've taken recently, but they have been ok. I'm stuck in the mediocre and I'm not sure how to get out. The prospect of job hunting and/or moving is overwhelming, and since things are "ok" I'm not motivated to make big scary changes. I'm heading to Boston next week for a little mini-break. I can't wait to spend a few days with an old friend in a new city, wandering, taking photos and browsing great bookstores. Hopefully this trip will snap me out of the melancholy I find myself in.
Sunday, March 25, 2007
6 tablespoons olive oil
2 lemons, 1 thinly sliced, 1 juiced
4 cloves garlic
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon ground pepper
3/4 lb green beans
8 small red potatoes, quartered
4 chicken breasts
Preheat oven to 450. Coat a large baking dish with 1 tablespoon olive oil. Arrange lemon slices from 1 lemon in a single layer on the bottom of the dish. In large bowl combine remaining olive oil, lemon juice of 2nd lemon, garlic, salt and pepper. Add green beans and toss to coat. Using tongs, remove green beans and arrange them on top of lemon slices. Add potatoes to same olive oil mixture and coat. Arrange on inside edge of dish on top of the beans. Please chicken in olive oil mixture and coat. Place chicken in dish. Roast for 40-50 minutes. Remove chicken and continue roasting potatoes/beans if necessary.
*Not exactly in keeping with my "eating less preservatives" idea, but still tasty and less fat than the regular version.
1 container fat free Cool Whip, thawed
1/3 cup peanut butter (or Better'n Butter substitute if you want to keep the calories/fat down)
4 tbsp Hershey's sugar free or lite chocolate syrup
Line 12 cups of muffin pan with cupcake holders. Using a whisk combine cool whip and peanut butter until smooth. Divide mixture evenly between cups and top each with a tsp of chocolate syrup. Freeze.
Friday, March 23, 2007
1) Pet Peeves
- Pictures on the wall that are hung crooked
- People who get pleasure out of putting people down
- People who criticize me for having too many books
- When the cap isn't put back on the toothpaste
- When people subject me to their cell phone conversation or iPod music on the train because they can't speak/listen at a normal decibel level.
2) Wishes and Dreams
- To fall in love
- To own a dog
- To save more money and build myself a nice nest egg
- To visit Paris
- Own a sapphire and diamond ring
3) Significant Life Lessons
- Always be aware of human nature
- The person you thought would never hurt you, will, but you'll be strong enough to heal
- Getting your wisdom teeth out isn't as bad as you think it's gonna be
- Don't be afraid to stick to your guns, even if every single person around you is steering you another way
- If your friends think the guy is a jerk, then he's a jerk (no matter how hot you think he is)
4) Most Cherished Posessions
- My baby pillow
- My DSLR camera
- My books
- My photos
- My brand new flat screen TV
5) Favorite Junk Food
- Caribou Coffee Chocolate Mocha Granola Bars
- Any cookie with dark chocolate & mint
- French Fries
- Sara Lee Coconut Cream Cake
It upsets me that women have to endure this kind of behavior. I know that ignoring these guys is the best thing to do, but it makes me sad that she has to start her day like that each morning.
Sometimes I hate being a girl.
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Browse the NY Craigslist Men seeking Women personals and you will be inundated with posts seeking "skinny, attractive" mates, a large number of the ads go so far as to call those who may not fit the required measurements "fatsos" and specify themselves as "not a chubby chaser". Throughout our entire lives we are faced with images of "the ideal body type" and are taught that "pretty people are better". Disney princesses are slender and attractive, the overwhelming majority of celebrities are stick thin, magazines are full of models with bodies unattainable to most of us with even the strictest of diets and exercise regimes. The message isn't only "attractiveness is ideal", it's that "unattractiveness (by societal standards) means you are worth LESS than others are".
Dating is enough of a self-esteem buster as it is, add in elitist clubs and men with weight restrictions and it's a wonder any of us less than ideal people have successful relationships at all.
Maybe I should start my own site "(not)hotenough.org". In order to join you must wear tapered jeans, eat pizza at least three times a week, and not be a member of a gym.
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Monday, March 19, 2007
Friday, March 16, 2007
Thursday, March 15, 2007
I can't help but think of the wars and conflict that could have been avoided throughout history, if the leaders of the world had just sat down and shared a Starbucks cafe mocha with extra whipped cream.
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
In all honesty my reaction to the whole Eharmony boy drama disturbs me more than I'm willing to admit. Not because it was one of devastation, or of shock or even of anger, but because my first reaction was acceptance. It doesn't even phase me any more when I get cheated on, or when men choose to be with other women. I have truly hit a point where I expect men to want to be with someone else. My self esteem has never been high, but in recent years it's taken more of a hit than I think I realized. My self worth has hit an all time low, and I'm not exactly sure how to change that. In a way I guess it was a blessing that Eharmony boy found someone else, I'm nowhere near ready (and probably never will be) ready to be in a relationship.
I wish that realization made me feel better, but I think it actually makes me feel worse.
I really need to get a dog.
Monday, March 12, 2007
he tells me he met someone on his trip and they have been dating for the past few weeks.
Why why why does this stuff keep happening to me? I feel like I clearly don't deserve happiness cause all I get is continually crapped on.
Sunday, March 11, 2007
I've sometimes wondered if I could ever get used to even living with someone again. My first experience with it did not go well, and now that I've lived on my own for so long I can't imagine having to compromise over closet space and furniture purchases. I'm so used to cooking for 1, I can't even fathom doubling recipes and having twice as many dishes. I think my biggest fear about marriage is that the "business" of being married (the bill paying, filing tax returns, insurance decisions, meal preparation, etc.) is what takes the passion out and ruins it. I don't have any desire to argue with someone over whose turn it is to take out the trash, whose socks or on the floor or who forgot to buy laundry detergent. I've never been in love, so maybe the "business" of marriage and cohabitation becomes a small price to pay for the companionship and friendship that comes with having a partner for life. I'm so commitment phobic I'll probably never know.
I did get over my iatrophobia and get my wisdom teeth out though, so I guess anything is possible.
Saturday, March 10, 2007
I so don't want to be this girl....of course around him, I play it all cool, like I didn't even notice he was MIA, but here I'm a mess. Please tell me this dating thing gets easier?? Please??
Friday, March 09, 2007
My dissapointment (and mint chocolate chip ice cream binge) is officially on hold for 24 hours. Stay tuned.
Thank god ice cream is on my list of Dr. approved foods. Pass the mint chocolate chip please.
Thursday, March 08, 2007
Eharmony boy got/gets back today and I've still not heard from him, so I was feeling a bit bummed about that this afternoon as well. My dentist happens to be near Rockefeller center, and the shopping mecca of NYC, so post-appointment I decided to do some major retail therapy. As you can see below, shopping while upset (and starving) is probably not the best idea.
It's a little hard to see, but here is what you are looking at:
2 pairs of flip flops
1 polo shirt
2 tank tops
1 argyle sweater vest
1 sexy nightgown
1 white dress shirt
1 brown winter coat (50% off!)
I blame DoggyMama....she told me to shop. :-)
My boss said I could take the rest of the day off after my appointment (yippee!) so that means I'll have two whole extra hours tonight to do whatever I want. Any suggestions? laundry? errands? GROCERY shopping?
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
Still no word from Eharmony boy. He's flying all day today and should be back sometime tomorrow. I am so hoping he contacts me again when he gets home. He was pretty good about keeping in contact the first four weeks of his trip, it's only this last week that he's gone completely MIA on me. Most of me thinks he was just busy enjoying his last week of vacation, but the insecure part of me thinks he just lost interest after so much time apart. I think the thing I hate most about this whole relationship stuff is the waiting. Between the starvation and the obsessive checking of my cellphone for the "I'm back" text message, I'm a complete basket case. I think some retail therapy is in order!
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
I haven't heard much from Eharmony boy in the past few days, just a brief note before my surgery on Friday. We had two great dates before he left, but now that 5 weeks have passed, I worry that the spark went out. I'm trying to play it cool, and not go all "girl" on him and pester him to make plans with me as soon as he gets back, but I do really want to see him and see if this is going anywhere. I'm not very patient when it comes to relationships, I'm always trying to get to that comfortable place where you can wear sweats around him and you don't have to do your hair or wax anything. It's not that I love commitment (I don't), I'm just inherently lazy and abhor the date "getting ready" process. I suppose it's good that I've been forced to take things slow with Eharmony boy, if it does end up turning into some sort of relationship it will be something very solid. None of my other "relationships" (I use that term VERY loosely) have been very healthy or fulfilling, so maybe doing things differently is the way to go. I've never exactly lived by that whole "he won't buy the cow, if he gets the milk for free" adage. Personally I'm more into taking the car for a test drive before you buy. Even if you don't end up buying the hot sports car, at least you got one good ride. :-P
We'll see what happens. You guys will all be here if I get my heart broken right? :-(
- 1 1/2 cups water
- 2 tablespoons orange juice
- 1/4 cup lemon juice
- 1/3 cup rice vinegar
- 2 1/2 tablespoons soy sauce
- 1 tablespoon grated orange zest
- 1 cup packed brown sugar
- 1/2 teaspoon minced fresh ginger root
- 1/2 teaspoon minced garlic
- 2 tablespoons chopped green onion
- 1/4 teaspoon red pepper flakes
- 3 tablespoons cornstarch
- 2 tablespoons water
- 2 boneless, skinless chicken breasts, cut into 1/2 inch pieces
- 1 cup all-purpose flour
- 1/4 teaspoon salt
- 1/4 teaspoon pepper
- 3 tablespoons olive oil
- Pour into saucepan 1 1/2 cups water, orange juice, lemon juice, rice vinegar, and soy sauce; and set over medium-high heat. Stir in orange zest, brown sugar, ginger, garlic, and chopped onion. Bring to a boil. Remove from heat, and let cool 10 to 15 minutes.
- Place chicken pieces into a resealable plastic bag. When contents of saucepan have cooled, pour 1 cup of sauce into bag. Reserve remaining sauce. Seal bag, and refrigerate at least 2 hours.
- In another resealable plastic bag, mix the flour, salt, and pepper. Add marinated chicken pieces, and shake to coat.
- Heat the oil in a large skillet over medium heat. Place chicken in skillet, and brown on both sides. Remove to paper towels, and cover with aluminum foil.
- Wipe out the skillet, and add the sauce. Bring to a boil over medium-high heat. Mix together cornstarch and 2 tablespoons water, and stir into sauce. Reduce heat to medium low; stir in chicken pieces, and simmer, about 5 minutes, stirring occasionally.
8 oz. raw boneless skinless chicken breast; cut into bite-sized pieces
3 cups C&W Ultimate Petite Mixed Vegetables (or any other frozen mixed vegetables)
1 can (10.75 oz.)
3 servings Pillsbury Reduced Fat Crescent Rolls (unprepared)
Directions:Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Saute chicken pieces for several minutes in a pan spritzed with nonstick cooking spray, until chicken is light brown/cooked but still tender; set aside. Heat frozen veggies in microwave according to package. Mix chicken, vegetables and soup together and put in a 9" round baking dish sprayed with nonstick cooking spray. Place dish in oven and bake for about 30 minutes or until hot and bubbly (stir about halfway through). While dish is cooking, unroll 3 crescent rolls. Combine pieces together with hands to make one large ball of dough. With a rolling pin, roll dough out into a circle to cover top of dish. Add dough to the top of the dish and cook for an additional 15 - 20 minutes or until top is golden brown. Serves 4.
Compliments of hungry-girl.com
Sunday, March 04, 2007
West Side Story
8 hours of a variety of programming on LOGO, the Lesbian and Gay channel
Saturday Night Fever
Martha Stewart Living
Showtunes, John Travolta in skintight jumpsuits and menage et toi....apparently my Tivo thinks I'm Jack from Will and Grace.
Friday, March 02, 2007
Thanks for all the good thoughts and wishes! They definitely helped! I'm off to get under the covers, eat ice cream and watch Tivo.
Thursday, March 01, 2007
I want my mommy. :-(