Thursday, December 01, 2005

I re-read the story of Apollo and Daphne tonight, desperately searching for the answers to so many of my questions about life and love. Though the idyllic crossed with the absurd is entertaining to read, I'm not sure I can find the relevance to my own life. Sure, it would be great if we were all pursued so ruthlessly as Daphne was by Apollo, but men don't woo anymore. Romance is dead and co-habitation is a business transaction. I can't remember the last time I simply held hands with someone, found a love note in my backback or had someone suprise me with a bottle of wine after a long day at work. I love doing little things for people, doing the simple gestures that speak the loudest, but I feel like I never get it in return. A wise friend recently reminded me that the gesture of giving and the gesture of loving should be selfless. I need to be better at that, at not wanting reciprocation. We all want to be loved, but that shouldn't be the motivation for loving.

The older I get the more practically I think about life. The idealism I had as a child is gone. Some people fight hard not to let that go, but I seem to have completely relinguish it. I need someone in my life to balance that part of myself out. I need an Apollo to chase my inner child and wipe practicality from my love.

I just hope he doesn't turn me into a tree.

1 comment:

seasons of the heart said...

Hey - I struggle with this every day. I feel the same drainage of idealism and I battle with "who am I, what am I doing etc"
But relationships are not always this idealistic image. I do not recieve love notes, or surprises or anything like that. Yes, it would be nice, but the simple act of being there for a hug, or a shared look, or anything that small. Heck, if Mike cleans the kitchen-that's like recieving twelve red roses for me! I think that people get more cynical as they get older, it's an inevitable part of life.