Sunday, February 28, 2010


I'm still battling a staph infection, but I think in the end I'll win. My boy has been amazing, spending the entire weekend with me doing everything for me and taking great care of me.


Today after he left to go home, I went to sign into gmail and it took me a second to realize HE was still signed in. As I was logging out, I noticed he had emails from Eharmony. I didn't read them and promptly logged out, but just seeing that he is obviously still a member hurts. The "is he still searching" question is BURNING into me. We have had the "I'm not dating anyone else" conversation, but I guess I never asked if he was still looking. I thought he told me he was no longer a member, but I don't recall.

Do I fess up and calmly bring up that he was left logged in and I saw emails from eharmony and ask? Or do I do what my therapist is always telling me to do and "choose to bring the good books down from the shelves" meaning choose to react in a good way, realize that CLEARLY likes me if he spent the entire weekend caring for me while sick, calling me constantly to talk, telling me how much he likes me and how lucky he feels and showing me nearly every day in some way that he cares.

What would you do?????


Coasting Anon said...

Do not, I repeat, DO NOT ask him about his still being on eHarmony. I know that will be hard, but harder still will be trusting yourself AND HIM enough to not let it continue to bother you. Just let it go. I can PROMISE you that most men wouldn't have cancelled eHarmony yet...not because they're all louses, but because they have different priorities and it just doesn't seem like a big deal to them to deal with it right. now. on. the. spot. without. further. delay.

angela said...

i'm afraid i disagree with coasting anon.

almost the same thing happened to me. about a month after my current BF and i started dating, i logged into the site where we "met" to hide my profile. there i saw that he had logged in just that day.

i FREAKAED OUT. was he still searching? i knew he really really liked me, and had in fact started calling me his girlfriend, but i still wasn't sure. my friends said he probably had just logged in out of curiosity, and that it meant nothing.

still i worried about it for days. on top of that, he was out of the country so i couldn't talk to him.

finally i sent him an email saying that i saw he was still "active" on the site, and did this mean he was still dating around? i was fairly calm, saying i had been burned this way before and i just wanted to be clear about whether or not we were being exclusive.

i tried not to be accusatory or crazy, although that's how i totally felt.

he wrote back saying he was so sorry, he wasn't looking to date anyone else, that he had logged in for pure "ego" and curiosity reasons, and promptly deleted his ad and sent the confirmation to me.

i really think it's good to get your questions out in the open right away. otherwise they will fester and come out anyway, passive aggressively or whatever. at least they would with me.

coasting anon is probably right that he simply hasn't taken the time to cancel his account. but i think it's okay if you ask in a way that's not casting blame. just very calm. maybe even, "i'm probably crazy but. . ."

that's my two cents.

SRH said...

I don't have good advice either way, I'd probably try to ignore it until it festered and then blow up about it. . . I will say though, that I was last on eharmony like 8 or so years ago and even though I've quit I still get random emails from them. Not sure if you saw much beyond that it was from eharmony, so I'm just saying, it's possible he is done and just still gets emails. . .