Wednesday, June 11, 2008


I'm pretty much the same as yesterday. Still just feeling "off". I'm too afraid to go to the doctor this close to my trip, but I've been researching doctors covered by my insurance and there happens to be one literally at the end of my block I'm considering for when I return. I'm worried about a possible language issue (she's Romanian), but unfortunately in my neighborhood, there were no female doctors educated in the U.S. to choose from. **I have NOTHING against doctors from other countries at all and don't doubt their capabilities one bit, but this experience is going to be a rough one for me and I fear that adding language/communication issues will push me over the edge.

I wish more people understood the absolute crippling fear I have of doctors/dentists, etc. The only thing I can compare it to is what a dog probably experiences when you take them to the vet; the shaking, crying and overwhelming "flight" reaction.....except theres the complete embarrassment factor as well, which is actually my primary anxiety about the experience. It's very much a vulnerability issue, I just can NOT bring myself to get nearly naked, have awkward, embarrassing conversation with a stranger that ends in the possibility of them telling you all the things that are wrong with you. It is terrifying and I am in complete awe of people who can just make appointments without having to dial 30 times because you are shaking so much you can't hit the right numbers.

Hopefully my mysterious ailment will be cured by some time in the sun, sleeping in and relaxing by the ocean. 3 days until Mexico!!!!!!


KathyR said...

Oh, dear.

I don't like the whole doctor thing, either. I don't think my doctor-dislike goes as deep as yours, but I do avoid going.

On the other hand, going to Mexico when you're not feeling 100% and risking having to see some doctor down there might not be so good.

You're probably fine. But if you still aren't feeling good, maybe someone should have a look at you before you go.

Just my annoying assvice.

zerodoll said...

so i had a weird experience where i didn't pass out but part of my vision was gone and it left me feeling, as you say, off for several days. turned out to be migraine aura. i didn't realize it b/c the headache with it was not the worst of my life or however the clinicians describe it. maybe it's something simple like that. i, too, now have the "white coat syndrome" where my doctor was convinced i had high blood pressure b/c every time i was there, it was high. yeah, and at home, it's perfect, correlation much?

Anna May Won't said...

i have to second kathyr on this, though i TOTALLY understand the fear of doctors thing. i had an appt earlier this week which sent me into a panic attack two nights before, and all it was was a follow up to a follow up, during which the doctor already told me everything was okay.

and yesterday i went to my primary care doc about this cough i've had for three weeks. apparently i have cold-induced asthma, despite the fact that i am never short of breath nor do i ever have any constriction in my chest. so i may or may not use the inhaler she gave me.

but i feel like at least i took responsibility and got myself checked out.

your friendly blogosphere nag :)