Several months ago I applied for my old job back in IL. I hadn't heard anything about it, so I assumed they had hired someone and the search was over. Last week I found out they contacted all of my references, so I guess the search is still on and I'm potentially still in the running. Now that it's a possibility again I can't help but think that the possibility is real that I could be moving in a month.
A part of me feels very ready to move on and have a different kind of life, but a part of me feels so not ready to leave NYC for reasons I can't even quantify. My whole life I've felt torn between the two sides of myself, never feeling quite complete when in either place. My mom was raised in Wisconsin, my dad on the upper east side of Manhattan, (though I'm adopted) I've always felt the pull of both places. I sometimes wonder if I need to find a place that is uniquely my own, out from underneath the influence of them both. Though I've traveled all over the world, the only places I've ever even considered living are NY or IL. I've spent my 28 years on this planet acquiring frequent flyer miles going between the two, and wonder if I'll spend the next 28 doing the same thing.
Maybe ultimately it doesn't matter where I live as long as I'm near an airport.