Sunday, November 11, 2007

Having Faith

Tennis Guy is traveling for business again and after nearly a week without hearing from him and 2 unanswered text messages, I assumed (yet again) that he had gone to the place where all men in my life seem to go, the Isle of Mute, where they are never heard from again. I moped around the house all weekend, made Gingerbread Scones (and promptly ate half of them) and made quite a dent in a bag of Hershey's Mint Truffle kisses. I browsed iTunes and downloaded some new music and TV shows, I did some Christmas shopping and avoided my phone and email. Finally I opened my email tonight and there was a message from him. His international cell service is on the fritz and he can't receive or send messages. I feel dumb (and 5lbs heavier from all that chocolate) and I wonder if I'll ever feel secure and comfortable in a relationship. I've been burned so much by men who didn't want me and just used me to bide their time between their "real" relationships that I don't know if I have it in me to believe that someone actually wants me. Tennis Guy has done everything right, he's respectful and thoughtful and is open with his affections, I can handle him being away and not seeing him often, but I can't handle my own fears of being ignored (or the appearance of being ignored). He's assured me that no matter what he would never end our relationship in that way, he's assured me that he wants to date me and build a relationship with me. This is what I've wanted my whole life. Why can't I just let myself have some faith and believe him?


Teacher lady said...

Because it's just so damn hard sometimes. Patience with yourself. You'll get there. (Easier said than done, I know!)

Kai said...

I can't help but think it would be a LOT easier if (most) men weren't colossal jerks!