Monday, November 26, 2007

Stopping The Crazy

I had an odd Thanksgiving. I haven't been able to pin-point why exactly, but I was feeling out of sorts and never really got to relax. I did have fun playing with my puppy in the snow and taking her for long walks around the pond near my parents house. Of course I let her have free reign and she promptly romped in a thorn/burr bush and I had to spend nearly an hour brushing and cutting them out of her fur, but it was still good to play with her. I tried to take some photos of her playing in the snow, but she is terrified of cameras so I'm not sure if any of them came out. I'll try to post a few tonight if they did.
In yet another bizarre confluence of events, I ended up meeting the Young One in the airport last night, He is REALLY REALLY cute! We spent a few hours during our respective layovers just chatting. He did give me a sweet kiss goodbye, but nothing major. I'm not sure I see anything happening with him, but it was nice to finally meet up with him. I think he'll actually turn out to be a pretty good friend.
Which leads me to Tennis Guy.....I have NO idea what is going on there. We talked Monday night, he said he wouldn't call me while his brother was in town and would call me on Sunday when I got back from my trip, which I took to mean we wouldn't talk, but we would still text/email as usual. I texted him on Tuesday, got no response. I texted him on Thanksgiving, got no response. He texts me Friday finally saying his brother had left and that he was spending his weekend sleeping. I text him back, get no response. I try calling him Saturday night but he doesn't pick up. He calls me Sunday (as he said he would) and we talk and he makes a comment that "as long as I've known you, you've been sad". I was completely taken aback. Work has been rough lately and of course going home to my parents for the holidays is never a joyous time for me, but I didn't realize I was coming across to him as "sad". I apologized for seeming too needy the past week and seeming down. I told him I didn't want him to think I was boring/depressed or not any fun and he said that he wasn't saying it to tell me that he likes me less, that he was saying it because it makes him worried about me. I made a comment about how he just met me during a "transition time" in my life when I'm trying to figure out what the next stage of my life going to lead me and we let it drop. He said he would call me again tonight so we could talk. I am really starting to think that I just can't do the whole relationship thing, with anyone, not just him. I'm not cut out for these (admittedly self made) ups and downs. I feel like I just don't know how to connect with people, especially men on a romantic level. I don't do the "wait and see" thing well, and that seems to be all dating is. I feel like what I'm "waiting" for is to be broken up with. I don't know how to have faith and not be afraid of eternal solitude if things don't work out. I know I'm ruining a potentially good thing here and I don't know what I can do to "stop the crazy".

EDITED to add photos:

4 comments:

Cheeky said...

Go into it with no expectations other than maybe ending up with a friend. No pressure.

I know this sounds silly but think positively - not about what you don't want but what you do want.

Anna May Won't said...

i don't know. what you're experiencing with tennis guy sounds very familiar to an experience i had with a guy i dated a couple of years ago. in the beginning: awesome, sweet, lots of attention. a few weeks later, unanswered phone calls and emails (that was before the popularity of texting).

i doubted myself, like i should be more relaxed about stuff, but now i think if you like someone, you like someone. you should love giving and getting all the attention in the world. you shouldn't have to worry about acting a certain way.

case in point. my friend plue told me how when they first started dating, she called her now-husband every day. she asked him if that bothered him. and he said, "no, but that's because i liked you."

ding ding! if you really like each other, you can pretty much do whatever that's on the side of nice and it'll be good.

in the past, i thought relationships were inherently full of waiting and doubt. but i think only the wrong ones are, and it's no reflection on you or anything you did.

but i'm saying this from way over here and without really knowing you or the situation, so please take all i say with a grain of salt.

still, you deserve better.

KristyWes said...

Oh man, I HEAR you on "the crazy." I find opening up to be super-difficult, too. It's so hard - and past relationship experiences affect us more than we think or care to admit. Arghh. We just gotta go one day at a time, I guess.

Seeking Solace said...

What a sweet pup!!! Is sje a Lab-Setter mix?

I agree with Cheeky Prof. No pressure on yourself.