Mom's got N1H1 now too. PLEASE send those good thoughts to my parents!
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Technology has Surpassed Me
Bachelor #3 is still in the running. We have another date planned for Saturday. Fingers crossed this one sticks around for awhile!
My very minor complaint is that he's an over-texter. I think he has a job where he pretty much sits in front of a computer all day and I get that, so do I, but he texts me. All. Day. Long. Even if I don't respond, he still texts. Part of it is that I'm not used to attention AT ALL, so any positive male vibes to me seem strange. The messages are nice, just checking up on me (in a nice way, not in a stalker or possessive way or anything like that) but I feel like why not pick up the phone and have a 10 minute conversation with someone instead of just TYPING. My sister is an over-texter too so maybe it's just one of those newtechnology age things coupled with the fact that I've never really had a bf before so I am not properly schooled in the partnership/having someone care concepts of it all.
Also, he gets a free pass. He brought me REALLY good chocolate on our first date.
My very minor complaint is that he's an over-texter. I think he has a job where he pretty much sits in front of a computer all day and I get that, so do I, but he texts me. All. Day. Long. Even if I don't respond, he still texts. Part of it is that I'm not used to attention AT ALL, so any positive male vibes to me seem strange. The messages are nice, just checking up on me (in a nice way, not in a stalker or possessive way or anything like that) but I feel like why not pick up the phone and have a 10 minute conversation with someone instead of just TYPING. My sister is an over-texter too so maybe it's just one of those newtechnology age things coupled with the fact that I've never really had a bf before so I am not properly schooled in the partnership/having someone care concepts of it all.
Also, he gets a free pass. He brought me REALLY good chocolate on our first date.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Misc. Updates
I've been a sporadic blogger lately and I'm hoping to change that! I miss you guys!!
- Therapy is still ongoing, but the more I go the more she pisses me off (and not in a good way). If I hear her say one more time "Well just go with that and stay with yourself" (which are the ONLY advice she has EVER given me) I just may go postal. Perhaps then I'd get more sage advice, but I suspect not.
- I chipped two bones in my arm doing something stupid. I used my left hand as a hammer to bang some pegs into some new furniture I was assembling and ended up breaking it! Not my finest moment.
- My Barcelona trip is coming up!!!!! I am beyond excited, but feel like I haven't prepared for it at all. I wanted to brush up on my Spanish and do some research on things to see, but I may just end up winging it. I kind of like the "wander a foreign country and see where it takes me" approach to travel.
- I've had an icky cold for the past few days, but thankfully drinking massive amounts of water and loading up on vitamin C prevented it from being TOO bad. I also spent a TON of time filling the sink with hot water and breathing in the steam which helped immensely. I must remember to buy a humidifier this winter. Vicks makes a germ free one that I've been meaning to get.
- Still doing eharmony....it's had it's ups and downs. Had one date with guy #1 that went AMAZINGLY. Probably one of the nicest/most romantic dates I've ever had.....and then never heard from the guy again. Met up with guy #2 a couple of times....but there doesn't seem to be any chemistry, despite the fact that he is SUPER smart and I like him intellectually a lot. We still email daily, so I think we'll end up being friends. Had a date with bachelor #3 last night that went super well. We got drinks, then dinner, then walked through the park a bit and chatted. He is super cute and didn't bat an eye at my broken arm/smokers voice from remnants of my cold. Unfortunately he lives 2 hours away though and I get the impression he is kind of out of my league (though that's probably just my low self esteem talking). He did text me the entire 2 hours it took him to get home though....so we shall see. I definitely like him, but I know better than to get my hopes up after just one date!
- Therapy is still ongoing, but the more I go the more she pisses me off (and not in a good way). If I hear her say one more time "Well just go with that and stay with yourself" (which are the ONLY advice she has EVER given me) I just may go postal. Perhaps then I'd get more sage advice, but I suspect not.
- I chipped two bones in my arm doing something stupid. I used my left hand as a hammer to bang some pegs into some new furniture I was assembling and ended up breaking it! Not my finest moment.
- My Barcelona trip is coming up!!!!! I am beyond excited, but feel like I haven't prepared for it at all. I wanted to brush up on my Spanish and do some research on things to see, but I may just end up winging it. I kind of like the "wander a foreign country and see where it takes me" approach to travel.
- I've had an icky cold for the past few days, but thankfully drinking massive amounts of water and loading up on vitamin C prevented it from being TOO bad. I also spent a TON of time filling the sink with hot water and breathing in the steam which helped immensely. I must remember to buy a humidifier this winter. Vicks makes a germ free one that I've been meaning to get.
- Still doing eharmony....it's had it's ups and downs. Had one date with guy #1 that went AMAZINGLY. Probably one of the nicest/most romantic dates I've ever had.....and then never heard from the guy again. Met up with guy #2 a couple of times....but there doesn't seem to be any chemistry, despite the fact that he is SUPER smart and I like him intellectually a lot. We still email daily, so I think we'll end up being friends. Had a date with bachelor #3 last night that went super well. We got drinks, then dinner, then walked through the park a bit and chatted. He is super cute and didn't bat an eye at my broken arm/smokers voice from remnants of my cold. Unfortunately he lives 2 hours away though and I get the impression he is kind of out of my league (though that's probably just my low self esteem talking). He did text me the entire 2 hours it took him to get home though....so we shall see. I definitely like him, but I know better than to get my hopes up after just one date!
Sunday, October 04, 2009
I don't care
My sister is getting married next year. Even though I'm not one for weddings and she and I aren't especially close, she asked me to be her maid of honor. After much thought, (and basically a demand from my mother that I accept), I told her I would do it, with the understanding that all the "stuff" that came with the job would be handled by my mother. I would show up, put on whatever required dress and shoes and do the holding of her flowers part. She and I were happy with that arrangement.
Then entered my mother.
She is INSISTING I be involved in every single tiny aspect of this wedding. Every conversation is about location or decorations or dresses and I just keep saying. Just tell me the date and where and I'll be there, I DO NOT CARE. I'm 30 years old and my sister is 8 years my junior. This isn't exactly a self esteem boosting event for me, but I'm doing the best I can. My sister doesn't bug me about any of this. I haven't even spoken to her in weeks. She leaves me alone, why can't my mother???!
Then entered my mother.
She is INSISTING I be involved in every single tiny aspect of this wedding. Every conversation is about location or decorations or dresses and I just keep saying. Just tell me the date and where and I'll be there, I DO NOT CARE. I'm 30 years old and my sister is 8 years my junior. This isn't exactly a self esteem boosting event for me, but I'm doing the best I can. My sister doesn't bug me about any of this. I haven't even spoken to her in weeks. She leaves me alone, why can't my mother???!
Monday, September 21, 2009
Not my day
Today I:
Accidentally threw away a FedEx containing important documents without even opening it.
Forgot to go to therapy
Didn't tell my Tivo to record the season premier of House.
NOT MY DAY!
Accidentally threw away a FedEx containing important documents without even opening it.
Forgot to go to therapy
Didn't tell my Tivo to record the season premier of House.
NOT MY DAY!
Friday, September 18, 2009
Weird....even for me.
My current sleeping pattern?
Sleep 8pm-10:30pm, get up, eat dinner, do work/cleaning/email etc. then go back to bed between 2-3am and sleep until 7:30am-ish.
I've battled ALL kinds of insomnia....even putting up with the 6 months or so I slept only every OTHER night, but this is ridiculous!
Sleep 8pm-10:30pm, get up, eat dinner, do work/cleaning/email etc. then go back to bed between 2-3am and sleep until 7:30am-ish.
I've battled ALL kinds of insomnia....even putting up with the 6 months or so I slept only every OTHER night, but this is ridiculous!
Monday, September 07, 2009
Week 1 - GAIN of . 6 (158.8)
So my great weight loss plan for the week, started out fabulously. I was keeping up with being more active and was eating healthy. Mid-week I was actually even down a pound!
Sadly, I was derailed by ONE box of soft pretzels. I ate the entire box (6 pretzels) in one day (yesterday) and it resulted in a gain for the week. I'm trying not to get myself down about it, but it's a hard lesson to grasp. I gain weight SO easily and am realizing that I can not slip up even a little if I want to lose weight. I think it's the expectation of perfection that ends up derailing me. My hope is that I find the balance sooner rather than later and the scale starts moving in the RIGHT direction.
Sadly, I was derailed by ONE box of soft pretzels. I ate the entire box (6 pretzels) in one day (yesterday) and it resulted in a gain for the week. I'm trying not to get myself down about it, but it's a hard lesson to grasp. I gain weight SO easily and am realizing that I can not slip up even a little if I want to lose weight. I think it's the expectation of perfection that ends up derailing me. My hope is that I find the balance sooner rather than later and the scale starts moving in the RIGHT direction.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Lazy
I allowed myself a lazy summer where I didn't really think about working out or trying to stay active, but the weather is cooling off and summer is coming to an end and I'm going to try to get my butt in gear. I have 35lbs I would like to drop....wish me luck here I go.
Starting weight: 158.2
Starting weight: 158.2
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Eharmony Update
My eharmony match of the day:
A guy I've dated TWICE already in the past 5 years.
Further proof that the dating pool has 100% dried up. Sigh.
A guy I've dated TWICE already in the past 5 years.
Further proof that the dating pool has 100% dried up. Sigh.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Blocked
I feel like I can't write any more. I can't tell if it's a crisis of confidence, a lack of anything interesting going on or my prevailing feelings lately of being a total and complete loser, but until life gets more interesting, I'm afraid I'll be scarce.
I did, however, re-join Eharmony today....so perhaps that will make for good blog fodder. See what I do for you people. :-P
I did, however, re-join Eharmony today....so perhaps that will make for good blog fodder. See what I do for you people. :-P
Friday, July 31, 2009
Meal Plan
I'm not sure I know what days I'm making what yet, but here is what is on the menu for the Kai household (which is just me, but let me pretend I'm not a lonely spinster ok?!)
Breakfasts: Antique Mommy's Cobbler and Monkey bread or what I call Monkey Bread, but the recipe calls it holiday bread and cold brewed coffee that is my new obsession
Lunches and Dinners: Italian Pasta Salad with veggies, Baked Pasta with Chicken Sausage and home made pizza hot pockets that are currently taking over my freezer.
Breakfasts: Antique Mommy's Cobbler and Monkey bread or what I call Monkey Bread, but the recipe calls it holiday bread and cold brewed coffee that is my new obsession
Lunches and Dinners: Italian Pasta Salad with veggies, Baked Pasta with Chicken Sausage and home made pizza hot pockets that are currently taking over my freezer.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Meal Planning is BACK
I'm back to my meal plan regime! I've been researching recipes all day and am excited about trying to get back into the kitchen!
Tuesday: Lunch: Leftover CPK from a work lunch yesterday, dinner: lime chicken and mustard potatoes (both new recipes I'm trying out, I'll post the recipes if they turn out well!) EDIT: I tried them both and YUM! You must must must try the lime chicken....it was GREAT. Though I wouldn't make the mustard potatoes along side this particular chicken recipe again, I would absolutely make them again in the fall as a side to turkey meatloaf or something. Both are going into my recipe file,
Wednesday: lunch: leftover lime chicken, dinner: quesadillas
Thursday: lunch: chicken parm lean cuisine, dinner: turkey burger with leftover potatoes (if there are any!)
Friday: lunch: homemade pizza hot pocket, dinner: quesadillas
Tuesday: Lunch: Leftover CPK from a work lunch yesterday, dinner: lime chicken and mustard potatoes (both new recipes I'm trying out, I'll post the recipes if they turn out well!) EDIT: I tried them both and YUM! You must must must try the lime chicken....it was GREAT. Though I wouldn't make the mustard potatoes along side this particular chicken recipe again, I would absolutely make them again in the fall as a side to turkey meatloaf or something. Both are going into my recipe file,
Wednesday: lunch: leftover lime chicken, dinner: quesadillas
Thursday: lunch: chicken parm lean cuisine, dinner: turkey burger with leftover potatoes (if there are any!)
Friday: lunch: homemade pizza hot pocket, dinner: quesadillas
Monday, July 27, 2009
Therapy Update
Still plugging along. I was on a 6 week hiatus while she was away, but we are back to it now.
Now that the day to day anxiety is at a manageable level, we are starting in on some other issues I have, but I've sort of hit a wall because I have problems discussing certain things with her. She is a 50 something woman.....how am I supposed to discuss dating/sex etc. with her! I made a Cosmo reference the other day and she just looked at me blankly. I would REALLY love to resolve some of my issues with men, but I'm not sure I can talk to her about these things.
It's like talking to my Aunt or something....how do I get over this and open up?!
Now that the day to day anxiety is at a manageable level, we are starting in on some other issues I have, but I've sort of hit a wall because I have problems discussing certain things with her. She is a 50 something woman.....how am I supposed to discuss dating/sex etc. with her! I made a Cosmo reference the other day and she just looked at me blankly. I would REALLY love to resolve some of my issues with men, but I'm not sure I can talk to her about these things.
It's like talking to my Aunt or something....how do I get over this and open up?!
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Crossing another country off my list....
I have just booked my tickets for my next big ex-US trip.....and the winner is.....
BARCELONA!!!!!!!
I'll be hitting Spain in late October!!!! I can't wait!
Next up: St. Louis in a few weeks.
BARCELONA!!!!!!!
I'll be hitting Spain in late October!!!! I can't wait!
Next up: St. Louis in a few weeks.
Monday, July 20, 2009
My Spa trial
I do not like Spas.....I'm not a huge fan of strangers touching me....I don't like being semi-nude in the presence of others.....I hate any and all attention focused on me. I am so NOT a spa girl.
Lately I've needed to tame my eyebrows and I have an easy week at work since all the execs are out of the office, so I decided on a whim to try a Spa around the corner for work to get a quick eye brow wax at lunch.
I LOVED it. 30 minutes of being totally transported into a serene environment in the middle of a work day was SO worth having someone pour hot wax on my face and them rip it off.
If that's not a ringing endorsement, I don't know what is.
Lately I've needed to tame my eyebrows and I have an easy week at work since all the execs are out of the office, so I decided on a whim to try a Spa around the corner for work to get a quick eye brow wax at lunch.
I LOVED it. 30 minutes of being totally transported into a serene environment in the middle of a work day was SO worth having someone pour hot wax on my face and them rip it off.
If that's not a ringing endorsement, I don't know what is.
Friday, July 17, 2009
A step back
I ended up telling Traveler Guy I needed a few days to step back and regroup and that if was still interested in hanging out when he gets back from his trip this weekend to give me a call. I feel good about how I left it and hopefully I can sort my feelings out a bit in the meantime and get myself back into a healthier mindframe.
In other news:
I have another mouse (who I have now named Beatrice) . We've been cohabitating for a few weeks now (meaning I stay out of all areas I see her in) until she woke me at 4:30am a few nights ago by scratching on something near the floor by my BED. I turned the light on and managed to scare her into walking into one of those glue traps. I put a box over her and called my friend to help me extricate her. Unfortunately in the extrication process she managed to get loose again, so I'm back at square 1. Sigh. I need her OUT and I fear now there is no way I'll ever catch her. Right now I have her (I think) shut in my bedroom, so I'm camping on my couch. I MISS MY BED!
In other news:
I have another mouse (who I have now named Beatrice) . We've been cohabitating for a few weeks now (meaning I stay out of all areas I see her in) until she woke me at 4:30am a few nights ago by scratching on something near the floor by my BED. I turned the light on and managed to scare her into walking into one of those glue traps. I put a box over her and called my friend to help me extricate her. Unfortunately in the extrication process she managed to get loose again, so I'm back at square 1. Sigh. I need her OUT and I fear now there is no way I'll ever catch her. Right now I have her (I think) shut in my bedroom, so I'm camping on my couch. I MISS MY BED!
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Maybe writing it will help me get over it.....
I had my second date with Traveler Guy last Friday. Started out rough, he was 45 minutes late, but it was due to train issues, so I let it slide because he was so apologetic. We had a good time over wine and dessert at this wine and chocolate bar I've been wanting to check out and then sat in a nearby park talking and kissing. A near perfect date.
Until:
He commented he would walk me to the train, which I thought meant he was going to leave me at the station, but by the time I realized he had meant he was walking me HOME, I panicked and got too embarrassed/felt too guilty he was going out of his way to say no. I was so completely oblivious to his intentions. I should have known better and been able to say no, but I wasn't. I let him come home with me and ended up hooking up with him.
This is an ALL TOO COMMON pattern with me. I've done this countless times in the past. I'm afraid of turning a guy off or making him mad he came all the way only to deny him that I go against my better judgement and just give in to what THEY want. I ignore what I want and what feels right for me out of fear of rejecting the all to rare positive male attention I receive.
I know I should talk about this with my therapist, but I'm still in the "too embarrassed to admit I'm promiscuous/making bad choices etc." phase of therapy.
Ugh. I hate that feeling of going against myself. I even asked him if he wants to hang out tomorrow and he said he would. Stupid Stupid Stupid.
I'm 30. When will I ever learn?
Until:
He commented he would walk me to the train, which I thought meant he was going to leave me at the station, but by the time I realized he had meant he was walking me HOME, I panicked and got too embarrassed/felt too guilty he was going out of his way to say no. I was so completely oblivious to his intentions. I should have known better and been able to say no, but I wasn't. I let him come home with me and ended up hooking up with him.
This is an ALL TOO COMMON pattern with me. I've done this countless times in the past. I'm afraid of turning a guy off or making him mad he came all the way only to deny him that I go against my better judgement and just give in to what THEY want. I ignore what I want and what feels right for me out of fear of rejecting the all to rare positive male attention I receive.
I know I should talk about this with my therapist, but I'm still in the "too embarrassed to admit I'm promiscuous/making bad choices etc." phase of therapy.
Ugh. I hate that feeling of going against myself. I even asked him if he wants to hang out tomorrow and he said he would. Stupid Stupid Stupid.
I'm 30. When will I ever learn?
Tuesday, July 07, 2009
The 4th!
I'm back from a brief trip to Illinois for the 4th. It was great spending time with my parents and sister. The actual 4th was cold and rainy, but the fireworks display was amazing. We spent a lot of time hanging out, playing cards, going to the pool, playing Wii....stuff we never did when we all lived at home and growing up. Maybe it was our ages (my sister and I are 8 years apart) or just day to day life got in the way, but it makes me a bit sad that this wasn't the childhood I had. All in all it was a good trip though and it makes me realize I should spend more time with my family now.
On Sunday I had a photoshoot. I've been wanting publicity photos for my retouching business so I had my very talented photographer friend, Caryn take some. We went to this abandoned windmill factory and had a blast. I'll post some of the outtakes once I touch them up a bit.
Have my second date with Traveler Guy on Friday. Wish me luck!
On Sunday I had a photoshoot. I've been wanting publicity photos for my retouching business so I had my very talented photographer friend, Caryn take some. We went to this abandoned windmill factory and had a blast. I'll post some of the outtakes once I touch them up a bit.
Have my second date with Traveler Guy on Friday. Wish me luck!
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