Tuesday, March 17, 2009

To be or not to be

Last night's appointment was....interesting. The issue of meds came up and though my doc didn't in any way force them on me, she definitely suggested it was something I try.  I suppressed my urge to cry, but just barely. I feel like a failure because I can't fix myself. I feel embarrassed. I feel like people will judge me. Mostly though, I feel scared I may change.

It seems stupid because the whole point of therapy is to change the aspects of your life that you are unhappy with. She explained that I have a hyper awareness and are overly in tuned to details and people (like House!) which causes my brain to get overwhelmed around other people because my brain is in overdrive trying to process everything, therefore causing the anxiety. It makes sense to me, but my awareness of people and the world is such a huge part of my personality and self that I worry about losing it. I worry that I can't be myself and not have anxiety.

 Probably not exactly what Shakespeare had in mind.


3 comments:

Seeking Solace said...

Hmmm...that explain me too. Like House only not an asshole!

BTW, last night's episode with the cat was hilarious. Cutter's burn on House was perfect!!!!

Cheeky said...

don't be embarassed over meds....I have had my share....I say give it a try...you can always stop taking them

ccw said...

((Kai))

Hang in there, it does get easier.