Saturday, June 30, 2007

Nobody to Call

I'm sitting on my couch on a Saturday night. I've browsed my Tivo playlist, watched 1/2 a season of the Gilmore Girls, taken a bath and skated around my house with wet towels waxing the floor. It's official. I'm bored. I only have a few people in NY that I hang out with, one currently finishing her MBA and swamped with summer school and one who recently found a bf and spends all her time with him. I know people have lives, family obligations and their own "stuff" going on, but it doesn't make me feel less lonely. One of my best friends leaves in a week to go teach summer school in London and with everything going on there I'm terrified for her safety. She's the one I talk to almost daily, the one I decompress with, vent to, and spend hours "watching" tv with, even though we're 3 time zones apart. I don't know what I'm going to do without my "go to" person for the rest of the summer.

I've always been a solitary, independent person. I prefer the company of my books and Tivo to the company of humans most of the time, but sometimes my solitude gets to me and I get lonely. I look around my apartment and think to myself "is this it for me?". I'm at a place in my life where I like my stuff, my routines, my knowledge, but I can't help but still feel alone.

How is it that I live in the biggest city in this country and still feel like this?

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