Tuesday, October 03, 2006

I wish they knew.

I'm surrounded by many people who have been lucky in love. 90% of my friends married within a few years of leaving college, and a good portion of those met their partners in high school (and in some cases junior high!). My sister, though only 20 years old as of yesterday, had bf #2 stick and it looks like they'll get married after graduation as well. I know its a hard path to take and that it takes work, especially when you are so young, but so far all the marriages in my circle of friends have stuck and I wish them all many many years of happiness. I just wish my parents hadn't given up on me. Though my parents think my sister should wait to get married, my mom can't help chatting with my sister about wedding ideas, and my dad can barely contain his desire for grandchildren. They've both said to my sister that the pressure is on her since clearly she'll be the only one taking that path and fulfilling their dreams. I take at least part of the blame. I act like I don't care, that I'm indifferent to marriage and children. I joke about men not being interested and say I'm too much of a clean freak to have kids, but I'd gladly give up my Swiffer to have a family someday. I know that I've given up hope on me, but it hurts that much more to know that they've given up hope on me as well. I know I've been a constant disappointment to my parents....they never quite understood my path and view on life. I know you aren't supposed to care what they think, but I do. I was given up at birth and they took me in, gave me and my sister a very privileged life....I guess part of me feels like I should be more grateful and should show it by making them proud. It's never been something I've been able to do though and I'm not sure I ever will. At least my sister followed the "normal" path for them. She got it right....why can't I?

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