Tuesday, March 13, 2007

What are the 5 stage of grief again?

Grumpy...Sleepy...Dopey....Doc.....Bashful....Those seem about right.

In all honesty my reaction to the whole Eharmony boy drama disturbs me more than I'm willing to admit. Not because it was one of devastation, or of shock or even of anger, but because my first reaction was acceptance. It doesn't even phase me any more when I get cheated on, or when men choose to be with other women. I have truly hit a point where I expect men to want to be with someone else. My self esteem has never been high, but in recent years it's taken more of a hit than I think I realized. My self worth has hit an all time low, and I'm not exactly sure how to change that. In a way I guess it was a blessing that Eharmony boy found someone else, I'm nowhere near ready (and probably never will be) ready to be in a relationship.

I wish that realization made me feel better, but I think it actually makes me feel worse.

I really need to get a dog.

4 comments:

Seeking Solace said...

The new five stages of grief....LOL!!!!

But seriously, I am so sorry that you are going through this. You are a great person who deserves so much more!

If you are serious about a dog, go to one of the local rescue groups. There are some wonderful dogs that just want to go home, just like the Pedigree commercial.

Girl said...

Hey there...my guess is that one of the 1st steps to being ready to be in a relationship is recognising when it is time to 'get over it'.

Seriously. This guy didn't think about you 1/2 the amount that you thought about him...he expended barely any energy on you. So why would you let him run your life like this?

Step back from the situation a bit and look at it. If this were a situation one of your friends were in, you might even find yourself slightly amused at how easily they fell for something that they created rather than something that was real.

I keep saying all of this because I made the same. mistakes. not so long ago. I feel like finding TF opened my eyes to how silly I was living my life before. But I didn't meet TF until I had given up on the self destructive tendencies that I had and started living my life for me, not some guy I was hoping was out there.

Kai said...

SS - Thanks! I'm definitely considering getting a dog in the future, but right now my crazy work schedule isn't conducive to pet owning. I miss having a pet around though, especially in times like these.

Girl - I think part of what makes me so anxious about finding a relationship is that I feel I have all the other areas of my life in order, my own place, good job, independent life and friends and feel like I'm just missing that last piece of the puzzle. I guess maybe the trick is finding a way to feel "complete" even without a relationship???

Girl said...

YES!!

I used to actually adamatly say "I don't WANT to be one of those people who say they are 30 and single and they are ok with it". Turns out, you really have to be ok with it. God! I hate that that is true...I HATE it for that girl I was even 5 years ago who hated hearing how true it was from everyone else.