Sunday, March 11, 2007

I thought the whole point of getting married was that I didn't have to sleep alone anymore

The New York Times had an article in this morning's paper about the growing trend of married couples who have separate bedrooms. First of all let me say that I loathe sleeping alone. Sometimes I've stayed in "relationships" for years longer than I should have for the sole purpose of limiting the number of nights in my lifetime I would have to sleep by myself. I blame my dog. She slept with me every night when I was growing up and continues to sleep in my bed at my parent's house, even when I'm not there. Whether my sleeping companion has two legs or four legs, I've always preferred not to have to go to bed and wake up alone. However, I certainly understand why some couples would choose the separate bedrooms route. I'm not the easiest person to sleep next to, I have chronic insomnia, and even when I do sleep it's not restful, I toss and turn and wake up frequently. For me I think separate sleeping quarters would be a deal breaker (unless maybe we got a dog who would sleep with me instead). I think I would need that intimacy of being next to someone at night to feel connected to my partner. I wonder though if I fell in love with someone who snores or had nightmares if I would feel differently.

I've sometimes wondered if I could ever get used to even living with someone again. My first experience with it did not go well, and now that I've lived on my own for so long I can't imagine having to compromise over closet space and furniture purchases. I'm so used to cooking for 1, I can't even fathom doubling recipes and having twice as many dishes. I think my biggest fear about marriage is that the "business" of being married (the bill paying, filing tax returns, insurance decisions, meal preparation, etc.) is what takes the passion out and ruins it. I don't have any desire to argue with someone over whose turn it is to take out the trash, whose socks or on the floor or who forgot to buy laundry detergent. I've never been in love, so maybe the "business" of marriage and cohabitation becomes a small price to pay for the companionship and friendship that comes with having a partner for life. I'm so commitment phobic I'll probably never know.

I did get over my iatrophobia and get my wisdom teeth out though, so I guess anything is possible.


Seeking Solace said...

I am a very light sleeper and also suffer from insomina. My husband and my dog both snore! I often have to kick the both of them out and send them to the guest room! My husband is FINALLY going for a sleep study, so maybe things will be better in my house!

Kai said...

Oh my! A snoring husband AND dog! You poor thing! Maybe the hubs can take the dog with him to his sleep study. LOL

Cheeky said...

Yep Mr. Cheeky is soooo loud I am considering kicking him out of the bed....LOL I put a recording of him on my blog once....and that was a light night......If I don't fall asleep before him - forget it- it ain't happening!