The Skirt

I have this skirt from the Gap I bought YEARS ago. Black, perfect fabric that doesn't wrinkle in a suitcase, perfect length, figure flattering. But when I bought it, it was a smidge too big and now that I've lost (and kept off) some weight, it falls right off me.

I put it in my Goodwill pile with a heavy hand and tried to forget about my perfect skirt, but when I finally made my trip last week to the donation bin, I couldn't bear to part with it and decided to see if I could have my perfect cheap skirt altered.

I was TERRIBLY embarrassed to take it to my fancy NYC tailor for fear of the mocking I would pay so much to get such a cheap piece of clothing taken in, but perfect black skirts are hard to find so I bit the bullet and took it in.

He listened careful to what I wanted done and inspected the label. He said in his heavy Eastern European accent "umm...this is like $18". I apologized for bringing in such cheap piece and started in on a lengthy explanation of how it was the perfect skirt and how I'd searched for years to find a replacement and couldn't and he patiently listened while glancing at the cashier with a "what is this chick talking about" look. When I finally finished he says to me "No, miss I mean the ALTERATIONS will be $18."

I thanked him, took my receipt and got out of there as fast as I could.

Non Bloggy

I don't know what is with me lately, but I'm feeling very non bloggy. My life just hasn't been very interesting lately.....economy finally taking its toll at work....benefits going down, layoffs, forced time off. Nothing fun there. Therapy isn't really working and I'm feeling frustrated about that after months of trying. No new boy news. The days are just kind of floating by with not much excitement to report! I'm fine with a nice summer that just kind of coasts along, but it doesn't make for good blog fodder unfortunately.

Hope you guys are having more blogable summers! I need to live vicariously through you for awhile!

My Home Office

Here are the before and after pics of my home office space. Once I get the boxes out, I'll take a better pic of the desk, these don't do the piece justice. FINALLY I have a proper space to work on my photos and build my business!!!!

Before (I piled my work stuff on a TV table and did my work on a couch until my back hurt)



After:

Wow.

I called my state government to find out what forms I needed to prefect a security interest.

The first person I got told me they don't give out information, just phone numbers.

The second time I called the person directed me to the online forms for applying to be a security GUARD.

The third time I got someone who actually knew what I was talking about.

Ladies and Gentelmen: The United States Government

Investment

After months of planning a home office re-do and TONS of research and waiting for backordered items, my home office project is finally coming together. My desk should arrive in a week and then all I'll have left to do is choose a desk chair.

I'm having slight buyers remorse....I spent a LOT of money on this project, but as I hope to eventually move to a 100% freelance photo career someday I have to think of it as an investment in my future. 

Guess it's time to start promoting my business now. I need this desk to pay for itself!

Take Pictures

I went to the Celebration of Life Service for a friend of mine last weekend who died a few months ago. They had a slideshow of photos playing in the background from moments throughout her life and it was very touching.

Take pictures. Take pictures of good times, bad times, times when you think you look fat, times when you think you look good. Times when you cried and times when you laughed so hard you cried. Just take pictures.

Healthy Summer Eating

Whenever the weather gets warmer I always find myself wanting to eat lighter and healthier. Since I've been home, I've been on a major protein kick, chicken breasts, egg whites, peanut butter...I ate a lot of carbs on my vacation and even though I miraculously didn't gain any weight, I want to get back to eating more balanced. Since I don't eat much meat, it's always a struggle for me. I can only eat much chicken before I go crazy.

I am looking forward to healthy summer eating....I can't wait for the first good strawberries to appear in the grocery store. YUM!

What are your favorite summer foods?

Home Sweet Home

I am back!! My vacation was lovely, but I am glad to be home. I learned a few things about myself on this trip that I thought I would share:

1) I am addicted to my Blackberry WAY more than I would care to admit. Despite not having it with me, I found myself waking up in the middle of the night looking at the nightstand to see if the new message indicator light was blinking.

2) I am 100% comfortable spending a week completely alone with minimal human contact.

3) My love for Tivo is much stronger than I thought. They should make a travel Tivo that you can take with you.....THAT would be fabulous.

4) The ocean has healing powers so much better than any drug.


Now I'm off to unpack....my suitcase currently smells like beach and I need to do laundry and re-pack. I'm off to Chicago on Friday.

The Mark of a Really GOOD Vacation

is that you don't even care that somehow on the same day within 12 hours of each other you managed to break both your computer AND your ipod.  The computer has its moments of being usable, but I think the iPod is a gonner. It had a nasty fight with a tile floor and the floor won.

I've been a lazy bum this entire trip. Pool/beach/eat repeat. I've barely taken any photos or done a thing other than read near various bodies of water.

It's been FABULOUS. I've got a few more hours of sun tomorrow morning and then I'm on my way home. With no computer or ipod to entertain me, it's gonna be a LOOOONG flight.

Vaca!

I am officially on vacation!!! I arrived in St. Maarten yesterday and have been a lazy beach/pool bum all day today. The resort I'm at is pretty empty so I had the pool all to myself this morning.

Also, THOROUGHLY enjoying the free wifi!!

A Good Way to Ring in 30

A birthday cake. Treating myself to a cab ride to work (instead of taking the subway). A facebook page and inbox full of good wishes. A cupcake. A bouquet of flowers from my cousin. Cards from a dog and a fish. A Target gift certificate from my sister (which will be used to buy a fancy new coffee maker I've been drooling over) and a fabulous beach vacation next week.

You know, I really can't complain about this whole turning 30 thing.

That's Right

I'm 30 today.

Happy Birthday to Me!

Not Helping

I've been doing this therapy/drug thing now for 2 months and I feel exactly the same and still have the exact same anxiety.

I can't tell if I'm being impatient and was wishing for a magic cure, but my expectations were after 2 months I would at least feel closer to feeling different, yet I don't. I like my therapist and she has definitely said things to me that have made me think about things differently, but I don't feel like we ever get to solutions. I'm tired of just thinking about things. Thinking I can do on my own time and without a copay. I want SOLUTIONS or tools.

Is 2 months long enough to tell if something is working or not?

No Plans

I have NO plans this weekend, no pressing chores, nothing that HAS to immediately be done.

If you need me, I'll be laying in my comfy bed trying to make it through Book 2 of the Twilight series. I won't spoil it for anyone who hasn't read it, but so far Book 2 has turned me into an emotional wreck.

Not a bad way to spend my last weekend of my 20s.

Good Cantaloupe Thoughts

Any good thoughts you could send Chicago's way I would appreciate.  A dear friend of mine is meeting with a surgeon today to discuss a lump she found in her breast recently and I'm trying to send all good vibes her way. My self proclaimed job for her has been her comedic relief. Now I just need someone to be mine.

*the cataloupe reference is from last week's Grey's Anatomy episode: "Life handed her lemons and she made cantaloupes!"

It's MAY?

May 1 today eh? The month in which I turn 30. YIKES. I was so NOT ready for this.  At least I have a beautiful beach vacation in 15 days to look forward to. Every day I visit the website of the resort I am staying at. It keeps me going.

Big Target trip planned for tonight. Living in NYC a Target trip involved car rental and major planning so it's a real treat when I get to go. Thanks to Zip Cars, I can treat myself a little more often than I used to. I also need to meal plan for the week. Somehow my freezer is STUFFED, yet I feel like I don't have many meal option. I"m sure the pasta sauce taking up 1/2 my freezer has something to do with that. LOL Note to self: next time HALVE the recipe.

Even though it's going to make for a LOT of traveling in May, I decided to go to my friend's memorial service being held in my college town. 5 days after I return from St. Martaan, I'll be heading to Illinois, but it's important to me that I go back and honor her life and her service to the University she worked at.

Cookin' and some fun in the sun

I managed to complete my EPIC weekend of cooking and now have a freezer STUFFED full of good stuff. My pasta sauce recipe made WAY MORE than I was expecting, so I will not have to buy sauce now for another year. Also, my home made hot pockets experiment turned out fabulously, so I have some of those stashed away in the freezer for emergency dinners and lunches. I will definitely be making those again and am glad I found yet another way to slash my grocery bill.

I was able to tear myself away from my kitchen on both Saturday and Sunday to enjoy the sun. On Sunday I ventured out on a walk around my neighborhood and found a park to sit in. Since I was just wandering I hadn't thought to bring anything with me so I think I may have worried a few parents who thought I was out to nab their child. Next time I'll bring some reading material and hope that makes me look less suspicious.

I can't believe it's almost May! Where on earth does the time go??

Going a little Culinary Crazy

I'm definitely getting back in the cooking from scratch/meal planning saddle. Last night I made PB&J Muffins for breakfasts.  Tonight I will be making a vat of pasta sauce and crock pot applesauce then tomorrow I will be making whole wheat rolls and attempting to make the 4 cheese hot pockets from scratch. I LOVE those things, but think I can make them myself for MUCH cheaper than I buy them and minus the preservatives.

I'm also going to try to get outside and enjoy this weather we are supposed to get. 87 by Sunday! WHOOO!

Spree

My grandmother sent me my birthday card early so I could spend the money on my birthday trip if I wanted, so I went on a HUGE book buying spree! I bought the rest of the Twilight Series (I only have book 1) and some other guilty pleasure reads for the beach. I think half my suitcase is going to be books!

In other news the coffee machine at work is broken, but apparently only for me. Other people can use it fine, but when I try, it breaks.

I don't know how my coffee karma got messed up. I've never been anything but good to it!

Survived

I survived the dentist. Wasn't too bad considering. Next up is having the rest of my wisdom teeth out, but I am going to wait until after my birthday next month for that particular fun.

Continuing my doctor tour, I have an eye appointment on Saturday. They won't let me renew my drivers license unless I have an exam and the doctor signs off of it. This must be some special NY rule. I don't remember ever having to do this in IL. I like shopping for new frames though, so that will be fun. I love having a bunch of different pairs to switch between. I also desperately need new prescription sunglasses. The ones I have been using are over 15 years old!

After this I need a medical break. Getting healthy is expensive!

A Monday of Bullets

- We MAY have turned a corner on the med side effects. The nausea seems to be more manageable, though I still am not seeing ANY benefits so I'm still not sure if I'll keep this up.

- Dentist appointment (again) tomorrow. With my anxiety I have avoided it for a LONG time, but am trying to face my fears as I look towards 30, so I found a dentist that specializes in dental phobics and had a consultation. Things don't look too bad for as long as I avoided it, but I have to go back tomorrow for some work. NOT looking forward to that.

- Had a uber productive weekend updating my retouching website, working on some new portfolio pieces and studying up on some new photoshop techniques. I've been getting freelance jobs here and there, and am hoping to slowly but surely grow my business.

I think that's it for me. How was everyone's Easter?

Just Seeing if these Anxiety Meds Really Do Work

I started to have some tooth pain this weekend and sensitivity to hold/cold so I bit the bullet, found a dentist that specializes in dental phobic patients and have myself an appointment tomorrow afternoon.

On the one hand I should feel proud that I've done something I have put off for YEARS and am facing a fear, but on the hand hand is PURE TERROR and anxiety.

Ugh. Hold my hand.

Meal Plan!

I'm still on track with my meal plan and have noticed a HUGE change in my grocery bills lately. The past month I spent HALF of what I normally do. I'm really quite proud of my new found saver skills!

On the menu for this week:
Pasta with home made sauce (a repeat from last week, but I'm trying to rid my freezer of all this sauce I have stored up!)
Soy links & cous cous (never made it last week)
Apple & Cheddar Turkey Meatballs and Cream Cheese & Sour Cream smashed potatoes (so not healthy, but looked too good to pass up)
Blueberry pancakes (I've got a ton of frozen blueberries I'm trying to use up)

and as a special treat, Raspberry scones (also have a ton of raspberries I'm trying to use)...not to mention I am ADDICTED to the ones at Starbucks and am hoping to re-create them at home.

Ready for Spring

I am MORE than ready for Spring, and even though the weather isn't cooperating, the stores sure are. There are spring styles and colors in every window and I was inspired to do some Spring shopping.

I'm trying out a few new styles for me so I ordered this:



and I'm trying out this:




Spring here I come!

Slowly but Surely

I'm slowly adjusting to my meds (I think), but still having MAJOR sickness in the morning for some reason. I see my Dr. this week again and I'm hoping she'll have some suggestions or else I'm probably going to give up on taking them.

Also, I am FINALLY starting to meal plan again! My freezer is stuffed with the spinach &artichoke lasagna I made recently, so the theme of this week's meal planning is "freezer clean out".

Sunday night/Monday lunch: Lemon & Honey Chicken with Rice
Monday night/Tues lunch:Fried rice with leftover rice & misc. freezer veggies
Tuesday night: Mini bagels I found in the back of the freezer that I'm turning into pizza bagels
Wednesday lunch: Order in
Wednesday night: Parmesean Cous Cous w/ soy link sausages
Thursday lunch: leftover Parmesean Cous Cous
Thurs night:  Frozen lasagna after Dr. appt.
Friday lunch: lean cuisine I have stashed in freezer at work.
Friday night: Turkey Burger

The best part is this is all stuff I already have, so my grocery bill for the week is $0.00!

I'm a lucky girl

My extremely generous parents offered to fund my 30th birthday trip in May, anywhere in the world I want. After MUCH consideration, I will be heading to St. Maartan!!!!!!!!

I am SO excited!

Nothing to See Here

MAJOR medicine induced nausea ensues.

It's supposed to go away in 1-2 weeks. I'm on Day 8.

Still Raining...well actually Snowing

It's SNOWING today in NY. Happy First Day of Spring.

Not only have the side effects of my new meds kicked in taking the form of MAJOR NAUSEA, I have also come down with a cold. Ugh.


If you need me this weekend, I'll be in bed under the covers battling sickness and continuing my 80s movie marathon. I've already knocked off Say Anything, next up is Moonstruck and Top Gun.

Bullets of When it Rains It Pours

 - I decided to fill the prescription. When I went to pick it up at the pharmacy my bill was $90! Apparently I had a deductible I hadn't hit this year so I had to pay the full amount. OUCH. Then I find out it's not a fully covered prescription or something so it will be $50 a month. I may need to re-think this whole "getting help" thing. Between the $40 office visit copay and the meds, I need to come up with an extra $210 a month that I'm not sure I can find.

- Also nobody told me I can't drink at all or take ANY other meds with this and of course I had drinking plans AND feel like I'm coming down with a cold. If the pharmacy I go to wasn't so absolutely horrendous I would ask them if there was any cold remedy alternatives, but last time I was there they yelled at me for filling out my forms too slow and threw a pen at me, so I don't think I'll be asking them for assistance.

- My work situation is going to GREATLY CHANGE over the next few months to a year and it's freaking me out. They are looking to fire one of the assistants and the other one just got pregnant so it looks like I'll have to go back to doing 100% asst work with zero help. I was JUST getting away from all that and turning towards doing more photo retouching for work and was finally feeling like my work situation was in a good place and now it's sliding back. I'm majorly bummed out.

- My sis got a good job post her graduation in May which is GREAT and my parents are helping her buy a house, and also giving her money for her wedding next year and I'm feeling major sibling rivalry. I'm glad that she found something she loves in this economy and is getting a really good start on post-college life, but I can't help but feel jealous. Just because I never got married I am less worthy of having my financial life be a little easier??! I fully acknowledge it's a spoiled notion, but the feelings are there nonetheless.

I think I may need to try to schedule a day off soon. I could use a "spring break" of sorts.

To be or not to be

Last night's appointment was....interesting. The issue of meds came up and though my doc didn't in any way force them on me, she definitely suggested it was something I try.  I suppressed my urge to cry, but just barely. I feel like a failure because I can't fix myself. I feel embarrassed. I feel like people will judge me. Mostly though, I feel scared I may change.

It seems stupid because the whole point of therapy is to change the aspects of your life that you are unhappy with. She explained that I have a hyper awareness and are overly in tuned to details and people (like House!) which causes my brain to get overwhelmed around other people because my brain is in overdrive trying to process everything, therefore causing the anxiety. It makes sense to me, but my awareness of people and the world is such a huge part of my personality and self that I worry about losing it. I worry that I can't be myself and not have anxiety.

 Probably not exactly what Shakespeare had in mind.

CCW had it right

In my comments the other day, CCW left this advice about going to my therapy appointment:  "Get Dressed. Go. Don't Lie"

It sounds easy enough, but it was harder than I thought to get some of the hard truths out in words, but I did it.

The appointment was mostly me telling her the things I would like to work on, her saying "give me an example" and me telling anecdotes, but I get a good vibe from her so I think I'll stick it out for awhile. I have to go back on Monday so we'll see what happens with #2. For now, I'm just proud I made is through #1.

Nerves. Oh the Irony.

Tomorrow night is my first therapy appointment. I'm a basket full of nerves. What to expect? What to say? What will SHE say?

I know I should do this and I have to fight the "flight" desires, but it's going to be very hard to get on that train after work and make this appointment. All good thoughts you could send my way at 8pm tomorrow night would be greatly appreciated.

SLEEP!

My sleeping patterns lately have been F*CKED up! Two nights ago I took sleeping pills to try to force myself to acclimate. For whatever reason they took four hours to kick in, which left me with 4 hours of sleep.

Last night I was exhausted so I dropped into bed around 9:30. I slept until 11 and then was up the rest of the night!
5.5 hours of sleep in 2 days is NOT enough.

Here's hoping I can find some sleep after watching my boy Danny Gokey on American Idol. I have a HUGE crush on him and hope he's around till the end.

Bullets

- Got to see my lawyer that I flirt with this morning. I feel like a giddy school girl. LOL I wish it wasn't a conflict of interest for us to date....I definitely like him and get the vibe he likes me, but will never cross the line. Oh well, flirt friends are nice.

- Went through my home office files last night to purge what I needed. OMG was I hanging onto paper that from a DECADE ago. Now of course, comes the process of shredding it all. Ugh.

- I joined Zip Cars today. It's this car sharing program that's like renting a car, but you can do it by the hour. The garage is less than a block from my apartment so now I can have a car to use practically whenever I want! I'm very excited about being able to run errands/go to the beach this summer, etc. I think I am going to love it.

- Going to attempt to start cooking again this weekend. I'm going to try making lasagna in my crockpot. Hopefully this will get me started back on track with my meal planning. I'm excited about it again now that I know I can get to a REAL grocery store (not the NYC neighborhood mini-stores) more often with the zip car. I may even be able to shop at my beloved Trader Joes more. I LOVE that store.

- I just realized that my drivers license expires on my birthday this year. I can renew online, but I have to get an eye exam and proof to submit. Happy flipping birthday (in May) to me. What to remind me that I'm OLD now NY DMV. Ugh.

The Purging

The home office re-do is coming along. I got some great desk accessories from the Container Store using Oprah's 20% off coupon and I have begun the purging process for when my backordered desk finally arrives next month. Tonight I went through my misc cables box and my computer disks box and got rid of at least 50% (finally getting rid of those "hmm what is this for...guess I'll keep it" cables and computer disks I no longer have drives in my computer for (zip and floppy)). On the agenda for the rest of the week is dealing with paper. I need to find Suze Orman's list of how long you have to keep financial records and then watch out. I am going to be a SHREDDING machine!

Messages

Although I do admit enjoying celebrity news and gossip at times, I have always fully acknowledged that we don't even get a fraction of the whole story and think people are quick to judge their lives based on a few attention grabbing headlines. But when I read this weekend that Rihanna had reconciled this weekend with Chris Brown after their (alleged) argument that turned physical, my heart sank.

Though I am sure we don't know the whole story, unfortunately thousands of young girls who do follow the singers and the celebrity gossip just received the message that it's ok to have a relationship with someone who hits you.

We don't teach our girls to value themselves above others. I know that I myself struggle with this daily. I've stayed longer than I should, put up with more than I should, not stood up and said enough when I should.

I know the problem is bigger than celebrity news, and why we idolize (and idealize) it, but that doesn't change the fact that young girls and women in the 21st century have seen yet another example that it's ok to allow someone else to devalue you.

When will we learn to stop accepting the unacceptable?

It's a good thing I'm not on fire

After many years of suffering with general and social-related anxiety I attempted to take the plunge today to find a therapist. I called 10 people and NOBODY was accepting new patients. I left voicemails for 3 others, but at this point I have lost hope. I'm beginning to think there is no (insurance covered) help out there.

Sigh. At least I tried I guess.

UPDATE: After 13 phone calls to doctors listed on my insurance company's "find a dr" website, I got a dr to call me back, after TWO phone calls with her, two attempts to navigate my insurance company's automated phone system and another call to the dr with the requested insurance info, I FINALLY have an appointment.

In mid-March.

Hey, at least it's something.

Meal Planning Suspended

So my meal planning has come to a screeching halt. Due to my eternal fear of my post-mouse kitchen, I am no longer eating meals at home. I'm either going to starve, go broke eating out or get over it. Sadly the latter has the least chance of happening.

Being a anxious phobic is really getting old.

My favorite store

I arrived home from San Francisco this morning at 2am. Even though I had to be up 6 hours later for work, I wanted to relax a bit, so I scrolled through my Tivo to see if there was something I could watch while I was puttering around the house. I noticed it had recorded an Oprah episode on decluttering and organizing so I hit play.

Boy am I glad I did! It turns out that the Container Store has a 20% off coupon for everyone who saw that episode, available for download on their website. It's only good until March 1, so get it NOW!

I heart the container store and now I can heart it for 20% off!

I forgot!

With all the mouse excitement I completely forgot to tell you all that I was in San Francisco the past 4 days! I'm terribly jet lagged and behind on laundry/twitter/blogs and Tivo, but I promise to catch up and tell you all about it. It's a LOVELY city and I highly recommend it if you've never been.

The House of Mouse

My weekend started out lovely. I bought myself wine and roses on Friday and had big 3 day weekend plans that included a good apartment scrubbing and some major relaxing. Sadly, I spent the entire weekend (and continue to be in) anxiety hell.

On Saturday morning I saw a mouse in the kitchen. I make no apologies for it, I am a TOTAL complete GIRL when it comes to bugs and mice. I literally spent the entire weekend sitting in the middle of my bed with my shoes on, in a state of panic. An exterminator came and closed up some holes and left some traps (and I think one got caught) and he said he was sure I only had one and that he hadn't been there long, so it's likely over, but I still can't stop the freaking out. I haven't set foot in my kitchen since Friday and I'm starving. The exterminator said he would come back in 2 weeks to do a check, but I'm not sure I can make it that long. Thankfully I leave on Thursday for San Francisco for a few days, but of course I'm going to spend the entire time worrying that there will be a mouse party in my absence.

Sigh. I hate anxiety/fear.

No use crying over spilled....coffee

I knocked my coffee cup over onto the rent check I was supposed to send out for work.

I sent it anyway.

Peace.

The wait is over.

My friend has finally come to her peace.

Depressed? Tired? Hibernation?

I spent nearly every hour of this weekend in bed. Sometimes sleeping, sometimes, just lying there enjoying the weight of the covers on me, but almost my entire weekend was spent avoiding daily life.

Also, I ate an entire box of Entenmann's chocolate donuts in 2 days*.

Something is definitely up with me.....I just don't know what it is.

*no I'm not PG....I haven't been in the company of a man since it was warm enough to wear skirts and flip flops.

Sigh. Spring can't come soon enough.

The Wait

I have spent the better part of a week now waiting for peace to come to a friend/former teacher losing her battle with MS. The thoughts that have come to mind this week have been varied, from guilt I didn't keep in touch aside from emails and letters and help out more, to having flashbacks of the better times. When I moved into my first post-college apartment, her house was on my way home and I would often stop and visit with her and her dog. With no blood relations in her life that acted like family and no partner, her colleagues, former students and friends were her family.

By the time her MS symptoms were starting to worsen, I had moved across the country and could be little help aside from correspondence and prayers. I would send her photos of my travels and we would trade stories about our dogs. Oh the countless times I threw the ball for her dog on those nights I stopped by her house. One of the many things I will remember most is the love she had for her dogs.

I can't imagine what it is like to be at the end of your path, especially with no children or partner to be by your side. Several former co-workers have taken turns sitting by her bedside, making sure that someone is with her until the end. I selfishly wonder if my own solitude of now will also be my solitude in death. The thought keeps me up at night.


I hope that peace comes soon for you Shelley. Your kindness and strength have shown through to the end, but that is just a fraction of the legacy you will leave behind.


I wish I had stopped by on my way home more often.

Your Thoughts?

I'm curious as to your thoughts the woman who gave birth to the octuplets from IVF recently. From what I understand, she is 33, has 6 other children all under the age of 8 and no father of any of her children is in the picture.

I think the mother made a poor choice. I certainly understand the desire to have a child, but I think there has to be a point where the practicality of finances and familial strain have to win out. Though I definitely question the doctors who thought this woman was a good candidate for IVF (and I'm DYING to know who paid for it....it is NOT cheap!), I so SO hate that IVF is getting a bad reputation in all this. I have a married colleague in her mid 40s who (responsibly) used it and had twin girls, but was completely in a stable emotional and financial place before she and her husband made that choice. I feel bad that these 14 children have to grow up in a difficult situation.

If she gives an interview, I'm torn about watching.  Even though I think it's WRONG for her to benefit off her poor choice, ultimately I hope the money would be used for her childrens' benefit. Ultimately with all the unanswered questions (seriously WHO PAID FOR THIS??) I think curiousity will get the best of me and I'll tune in. If she gets her own TV series, I doubt I would watch (though I must admit I DO love Jon and Kate plus 8). I wonder if this story will impact their series at all??

Show me the Money!

Taxes are DONE! I'm spending my rebate money on the new home office and of course the desk I love is on back order for 3 months. Sigh. I'm going to keep looking, but if I don't find anything else, I'll just wait it out.

With superbowl excitement I forgot about this week's meal plan! It's time to clean out the freezer, so this week will be a little of everything, mini turkey meatloafs, mac & cheese, baked ziti....and who knows what else is buried in there. If I find anything good I'll let you know!

Ugh!

I left myself a note to remind me of something and now I don't understand what I was trying to remind myself of!

Sigh. I'm old now.

Home Office Re-Do

FINALLY! I have chosen the items for my home office redo! I have to wait until I receive my tax refund, but here is what I'm planning.

Desk:



Chair:



Lamp:




What do you think??!

Meal Plan

Due to travel, my meal plan for last week got all messed up. I'm hoping to catch up this weekend and continue my freezer-polooza.

Homemade Pizza - Friday nights are pizza nights in my house!
Turkey Meatloaf (in a muffin tin) will FINALLY be made this weekend and frozen
Honey Mustard Chicken
Falafel
Soy Meat Tacos
May also make the artichokes from last week too. I really want to try that recipe out!

I'm hoping to also make oatmeal bars for snacking too...usually I make them with fruit, but I might try them with chocolate and maybe peanut butter for a change....I'll keep you posted!

The Honorable Thing

Living in NYC I am not used to having a car and certainly not used to tolls/open tolling. I accidentally blew through a toll in the Ipass only lane while I was in Chicago this weekend. I felt bad about it and was freaking out they would hunt me down for the $0.80.

A friend mentioned that you can pay missed tolls online! I put my info in, paid my $ and got a confirmation #. No handcuffs!

I wonder how many people actually do this! Have you ever paid a missed toll online??

I love personal accountability!

I've been cheating on you.

I blog anonymously here, but I've also been blogging not so anonymously for awhile here.

I'll still be writing in both places, but for my weekend update, head on over and check out my new digs.

Shhhh....just don't let my secret out.

Whoa!

This week TOTALLY got away from me! I almost forgot to tell you guys that I am heading to Chicago/Wisconsin and crossing off another line from my "before 30 (which by the way is in only 4 months) to do list". I'm going....SNOWBOARDING!!!!!!

I've always wanted to try it so I found a friend who was willing to take a little road trip with me and we are off! (Well I'm flying to Chicago and then driving, but for the sake of adventure, let's just call it a road trip).

Details and photos to come, provided I don't break my camera on the way down a mountain.

Meal Plan Week 2 2009

Week 1 went great! Here is my meal plan for week 2! I'm traveling the week after so I'm going to try to make a little extra this week and freeze it.

Turkey meatloaf (I use this recipe as a base, but add Worcestershire sauce, onions or whatever I have around and make it them in muffin tins so I have individual portions).

Mac & Cheese YUM!

Black Bean & Salsa Chicken from Ordering Disorder - Never made this before, so it's a bit of an experiment

Baked Artichoke Hearts from Rachel Ray - Also an experiment. I LOVE artichokes, so I'm hoping this is tasty.

Meal planning makes me hungry! I'm off to eat my leftover pizza from last night. I'm still on the hunt for the perfect crust, so if you have one you love, let me know!

A confession.

I have a TV in my bedroom and LOVE IT.

 I have a larger TV in my living room that is hooked up to cable/Tivo, but I also have a tiny TV in my bedroom that I've been using with just an antenna so I can fuzzily try to make out the morning news and weather. With cable going digital next month I had to make a decision, get rid of my bedroom luxury or get a box.

I marched myself to Best Buy tonight, bought a box and plugged it in. WHOA BABY is the picture on that thing clear. I may actually be able to tell which one is Matt and which one is Al now when I watch the Today show!

Because Suze Orman Told Me To

I checked my credit reports (all 3) and got my credit score today.

I feel like such a grown up!

Risotto

Made risotto tonight for the first time. Aside from the fact that I accidentally used brown rice and it took 3 times as long to cook as it was supposed to, it was very tasty.

Not sure it's worth all that stirring though. I may try it again with regular rice and see if that makes a difference.

 On the menu for tomorrow: pasta with homemade sauce! 6 days into the new year and doing fabulously at my goal of cooking from scratch 80% of the time. I am actually looking forward to making next week's meal plan!

Oh 2009 How you Hate Me So

I was late to work today. I am never. EVER late. I am usually the only one on time, but today, because of stupid train issues, I was late. NOT the way to start the first day back.

The day did get better. I got my fotoflot and my new business cards arrived, but my work inbox overfloweth and my hopes of not getting bogged down in the daily routine slipped farther and farther away today.

I suppose there is always tomorrow.

Meal Plan Week 1 2009

On the menu this week:

Orange-Scented Quinoa from Clean Eating Magazine
Risotto from Rachel Ray's 39 Minute Meals #2 cookbook
Chicken Marinade from Chris at Ordering Disorder
Pasta with homemade sauce from a Year of Crockpotting that is in the freezer (my secret ingredient - use burgundy wine marinated diced tomatoes instead of the italian ones)
Homemade pizza

I'm making extra chicken in the marinade to freeze and use later and will likely freeze any leftovers I don't eat for lunch.

Wish me luck!

2009

Day one of 2009 I spent in airports and on planes. Now that I'm home I can focus on my 2009 wish list.

First and foremost I wish to renew my commitment to cooking from scratch. I do pretty well now, making all my own bread, pasta sauces and desserts, but I fall short on dinners because of time. I'm going to try to meal plan better this year.

Also, this year I'm going to make more days special. I fall to easily into the mundane daily routine. Be it a glass of wine after work, eating on the good dishes or planning a trip, I'm going to make more days unique and meaningful.

What's everyone else going to be up to in 2009?

Fotoflot

A few weeks ago I won a FABULOUS contest over at Antique Mommy for a fotoflot. Their website explains it better, but basically it's a cool way of framing photos that doesn't require glass, frames or mats. The print your photo and fuse it to a piece of acrylic. I placed my order today and can't wait for it to arrive!!

Thanks to Antique Mommy for the contest! Photos of my prize are forthcoming as soon as it is delivered!

101

My dad gave everyone in my family $101 (an homage to the Disney Dalmatians movie) with implicit instructions not to save it or spend it on bills, but to blow it on something (or things) selfish.

So tell me, how would you spend $101? for fun?

YUM

I made monkey bread this morning....from scratch!

I didn't even flinch pouring the 2 cups of cream in the dough. It's worth every sinful bite!

Recipe I used was from My Kitchen Cafe. Let me know if you try it out!

A theory

3pm seems to be my witching hour. My brain shuts off and I have a strong desire to sleep/tune out.

I've decided it comes from being in school. From 1st-12th grade we go to school and get out at 3/3:30. My brain learned that those hours are the "off" hours and its time to go home eat cookies and watch Saved by the Bell. Now that I'm in the working world, my brain hasn't updated. I still want to kick off my shoes and have a snack when 3 rolls around!

I need to reprogram!!!

I Found the Web and the Web Won

After a VERY long weekend of photoshopping, ftp uploading, coding, crying and several burned meals, I have finished my new website. I'm still doing a bit of tweaking, but here it is. Feedback is welcome and needed!


New and Improved Photo Site


Now I must sleep.

Avoidance is Yummy!

I needed to get some MAJOR photo work done this weekend. I fully intended on digging in and working the entire weekend.

It's 5:30pm. I have gone to the bank and grocery store. I have made dinner rolls from scratch, espresso shortbread, turnovers for my lunch next week and am marinading chicken.

Notice that photoshopping was nowhere on the list. Yet.

Must focus now.

Taking Step 1 of the Plunge

I am re-designing my business website. I bought a template and am attempting to alter it to suit my needs. Granted I have absolutely NO experience editing flash and haven't a clue as to what I'm doing, but I took the plunge anyway and will (hopefully!) figure it out as I go.

Next step, designing a home office niche that looks great and is inspiring. Anyone have any home office design tips????

Growing Up

Tonight is the office holiday party. Last year I drank much too much and ended up making out with some guy from accounting.

This year I'm sticking to ginger ale and leaving early.

Odd

I put my tree up (rather unfolded it and plugged it in), hung my ornaments up and went to take a nap.

When I woke up all my ornaments were backwards. The tradition in my family is that my mother buys my sister and I the precious moments angel of the year, so my tree is the 29 angels I've gotten over the years and now all I see are little angel butts.

My guess is that in the hour or so I was napping the ornament hangers untwisted themselves after 2 years of non-use and they all turned around. Either that or my holiday decorations are mooning me.

I'll let you know if they start staging a coup.

Torn

Between being annoyed that new girl at work went out with co-workers last night and got so trashed that she leaves her desk every 15 minutes to get sick and feeling bad for her. She'll likely end up going home and I'll have to cover for her. I feel bad for her, but part of me feels like, you made your bed now lie in it.*

*what an odd saying....

Anyway.

To Decorate or Not to Decorate

There is so little time between now and Christmas I can't decide whether or not to put up my holiday decorations. Last year I didn't because I was depressed about a break up and I regretted it, but they'll only be up a few weeks and I"m not sure its worth all the work.

Decisions Decisions!

Scenes from Security...2 DIFFERENT Airports

On way TO Chicago:
Security guy: Ma'am we need to search your bag.
Me: Ok sure.
Security guy: What the hell do you have in here??
Me: Uh....OH a stainless steel coffee mug!
Woman in line behind me: damn...that's one hell of a coffee addiction
Security guy: Next time warn a guy! That thing looks BAD on the xray.
Me: oh uh sorry.


On way HOME from Chicago:
*I had gotten rid of coffee mug and was HOPING not to be stopped....sigh

Security guy: Ma'am we need to search your bag.
Me: Ok sure. (waiting....waiting...waiting....while they search)
Security guy: (bringing bag back to me) Everything looks good, but I have one important question.
Me: Uh ok.
Security guy: (holding up my Fiber One Poptart box) Are these as good as regular poptarts?
Me: hahahaa no...but they ARE good and healthier.
Security guy: I'll stick to the real ones.
Me: Good choice.

Sigh...and to think I fly again in 21 days....

Too Much

Happy Thanksgiving all!

 

I am very VERY full.

Misunderstood

New Yorkers get a bad reputation in the rest of the world for being cold and rude, which is why it's ironic that it wasn't until I moved here from the Midwest that I got accused of being just that way by New Yorkers themselves.

Throughout my 5 year tenure at work, many of my coworkers have told me I am a rude person (I'm ignoring the fact for now, that the act of accusing someone of being rude, is in itself rude). I acknowledge that I am not overly friendly. I do not go out of my way to have mindless conversations or ask people how they are. I am generally a private person who respects the privacy of others and don't delve into their personal lives. Part of the issue is also that I work in an uber-casual environment, where the line between work and personal life is very blurry and I don't attend many after business-hours work functions.  I have another job that I do from home at night and can't always take time off from that to be social. Truth be told though, there is a bigger reason for my aloofness.

I suffer from social anxiety. Being around other people sometimes terrifies me. On the really bad days it takes me 2 tries to get out of the house and onto the subway to work, on the good days I can quietly feel nauseus without anyone around me knowing. I tend to shy away from most situations that involve my being around other people and I don't willingly engage people I don't know well. It's something that I'm working on, and I have been trying to force myself to attend events and do things with other people that I normally would shy away from, but it's still a rarity.

 

I know I shouldn't be upset for the misunderstanding. If I'm unwilling to admit my faults/problems to others, I can't expect them to judge me fairly. It's a choice I make not to make my anxiety known and I have to accept that there are consequences for that. Ultimately, I know I have to believe in who I am, but it pains me that to some people at least, that doesn't show through.

MOMS I NEED HELP!`

The Saturday after Thanksgiving I am going to attend a baby shower, for a hip, first time mom-to-be friend of mine and I have NO clue what to get as a shower gift!!! Any must have baby products that would make a good gift for a baby girl that anyone can recommend? I'm totally lost here.

It works!!!!

A few days ago I posted about the diet soda and cake mix trick. I just pulled my coke zero brownies out of the oven and it turned out GREAT!!!! I can't believe it works but I can honestly say I don't notice a taste difference at all. What a great trick!! Just dump a can in the mix, stir and bake. It couldn't be easier.

WOW!!
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Only 3 Dog Night Said It Better

A lovely post on what it's like to be A Single Adult. Amen sister.

Can't. Keep. Up.

Life is getting away from me these days. Between trying to keep up with the news, my day job, my freelance job and just general life (not to mention staving off a cold I can feel coming) I'm just barely keeping my head above water.

In other news, I got a raise! Very unexpected in this economy and a hefty one to boot. Champagne on me!

Bullets

- Am very worried that Keith Olbermann will not have anything to talk about on his show now that the Democrats have control of the House, Senate and White House.

- President Bush's dog Barney bit a White House Reuters reporter....I shouldn't be laughing, but it is kind of funny.

- Going to see the Rockette's Holiday show tonight! I'm starting to get in the holiday mood.

- Speaking of holiday mood...NOTHING quite gets me in the mood like seeing the Red Starbucks cups come out. Peppermint Mochas here I come!!!!

Does this work???

I just heard that you can take a boxed cake mix, add ONLY a can of diet soda (no eggs, oil, water etc.) and bake it and it turns out SO GOOD.

Is this an urban legend or is it true?????

I Voted!

Only had to wait an hour, due to a bit of a line as well as a broken machine.

Who will be up all night nail biting with me over CNN??

VOTE!

No matter what your party affiliation, beliefs or red state/blue state status, VOTE.

Seize the opportunity to choose. Not everyone in the world gets to.

HAPPY HALLOWEEEN!

Go eat candy, protect your homes from tricksters and scare your friends!

Um.....

After a MONTH of no contact at all from Eharmony Boy, he texted me last night.

Boys are strange.

Infomercials....for President?

Thoughts on tonight's Obama infomercial?


Seemed cheesy to me and to came too late in the game. 6 days till the end I doubt there are many undecideds left. If you are going to spend $1 Million Dollars to EACH of 7 networks do it early and make it count.

House

Won't spoil it for my fellow Tivo-ers, but OMG OMG OMG to the last 5 minutes.

Oh the unfairness now of having to wait TWO fully weeks until the next episode!

Stupid election.

The 7th Day

Could someone PLEASE tell me why Sundays are so short???

Job

Anyone know of any job anywhere in the world that is open? I'll do anything. I'm cheap. I'm smart. I come to work on time, don't text or make personal calls during work hours and can work with ANY personality type. I can spell and speak coherently. I have no ego and will literally do ANYTHING.

Anyone??

Nokia!

Last night I attended the Nokia Work/Life balance event at the Nokia Flagship store here in NY. Thanks to my friend Wendy at http://babiesgottahaveit.com/ it was a good night of playing with some new technology, listening to a professional organizer talk about seeking balance in life and creating rigid boundaries and cocktails.

I DEFINITELY need to create some balance in my life between work and play. I'm going to start by NOT checking my email in the morning at home and instead only read it on the train. That's a better use of my time and allows me to ease into the day and focus on myself in the morning.

How do YOU create balance in your own lives?

Blue...well maybe blue-green

My sister is engaged again. 22 years old and has found TWO men in this
world that that want to marry her.

(Time #1 was mutually called off by her and her ex, they just both
realized it wasn't right for them)

She's had more engagement rings than I've had dates.

Ugh.

Clean!

I did a major house clean this weekend and now as I sit in my sparkly
apartment...

I'm afraid to do ANYTHING. I sit on the couch freezing because I don't
want to unfold the blanket. I used the bathroom when I was at
Starbucks so I wouldn't have to dirty mine. I'm STARVING because I
don't want to cook anything.

I just want to relish in the cleanliness for as long as possible.

I'm going to have to start eating out at least though....I'm so hungry
I'm ready to take hostages, except well, you know, they'd just dirty
the place up.

Do you ever....

meet people, or maybe just read their blogs and think..that is who I want to be....that is the way I want to respond to the world, but I haven't been because I've chosen to lead a life dictated by pain?

I did today and it's made me think.

What? It's FRIDAY?? Already?

Where on earth did this week go? I'm insanely busy at work, I've worked until 2am now for the past few days and I'm beat and let's not even get started on the state of my house right now. My poor Tivo is nearly full and those debates that were a few days ago....still unwatched. UGH.

This weekend will be spent catching up, on the news, on the cleaning, on twitter and on Tivo.

Catching up is a full time job.

Drastic...Attempt #2

I'm still considering making a drastic hair change and came across this pic. I'm thinking of doing this cut and the color. Thoughts?

My Mastercard Commercial

Gin to get drunk with after getting heart broken by yet another shitty man: $24.00

Hair dye bought to give self dramatic makeover after said heart break: $9.99

Realizing you were so drunk when you did this that you dyed your hair the EXACT same color it has always been: Priceless.

Blackout

It astounds me that in a company of 50 employees, every single one of
them is ignoring the fact that EVERY single light is out in the copy
room so we all just stand in there in total darkness making our
copies.

It's been THREE DAYS now.

Putting Myself Out There

I told a boy I liked him yesterday. (and yes I'm still technically
dating eharmony boy...but I'm ignoring that fact for now).

I got the response I pretty much thought I would get...like you too,
really enjoy our friendship...not sure I can get over the distance (he
lives in California) blah blah blah.

I thought just getting it out there would make me feel better and I
think eventually it will, but for now I just feel....bleah.

Wherein I Realize I've Been Watching Too Much News

I was going through my spam folder today and couldn't figure out why I was getting emails offering to enlarge my "election".

November 4 can't come soon enough.

Aren't They Trained NOT to do that??

I'm walking through Grand Central this morning and see a couple of police officers with their drug/bomb whatever sniffing dogs (German Shepards). A few steps later I passed a woman carrying a TINY white dog. A few steps after that I heard LOUD repetitive barking from the big dogs. Either the woman was also packing a bomb and/or drugs or else the German Shepards need to go back to training school!

Can't take the dog out of the dog I guess!

Let's Play a Game Answers

Nobody got it right!!!

1. Every night I wake up at least twice to check my email. - Sadly this is true....sometimes I'm up MORE than twice. I'm not a good sleeper at all.

2. I have never done any illegal drugs and didn't drink before I was 21. - True!

3. I have issues with telling people I love them and say "I know" every time anyone tells me they love me. - Also true....I'm a commitment phobe to the 'enth degree...I'm working on it.

4. My favorite comfort food is this dish my parents make consisting of yellow mustard peach jam and soy hot dogs. - Also true! This was a recipie from my late grandmother (well she used REAL meat, not soy obviously) and it's a staple in our house. It sounds gross, but the sweet and sour nature of it all comes together into tasty goodness!

5. I once was seated on a plane next to Nate Berkus, Oprah's decorator. -True! It was bound to happen with all the times I fly between NY and Chicago

6. I was very nearly on a reality TV show but the show never aired. -A few years ago they were making one about work, but it never came to fruition (thankfully!)

7. I once stood up a blind date because I saw him through the window and he wasn't cute so I just left without going inside the restaurant. YOU GUYS!!! This one isn't true! I would NEVER do this to someone!!!!!!!

Thanks to everyone who guessed! This was fun!